Living With An Addict - There Is Help

Tammy 3 years ago

I am so sorry for all that you have been through and continue to go through. I have no words that feel adequate. I just found this and read and cried. I hope time gives you strengh and hope.

Julie 3 years ago

I know the pain you are going throug. My husband of 20 years is a addict. He gets high on cough syrup, drinks and porns daily. He says he was that way when he met me. I guess he was,I just denied it because he truly loved me and I loved (and still do) him. I cry myself to sleep every night. He porns almost in front of my face and syas it is no big deal. He says he can't wait to retire in threee years not to be with me but, so he can give up the alcohol and the dxm and smoke pot. I am so sad and depressed about all this. The problem is he thinks hthere is no problem We have three children together ages 15,12, and 9. Our 15 yoar old has already taken has vodka. I insist he hide and he dosen't I do because I want no issues with her drinking and making it readily available to her. He says kids will be kids. I don't agree and really don't want to leave him,if only he could see there is a problem. I will definetly leave though when he starts smoking pot because,I will not have my children around that environment. He knows I am going to leave if he smokes but, dosen't seem to care. I am beside myself as to what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful.

I am sorry avbout your situation, if only we could make love fix things..... h kt

ruthie 3 years ago

I know just how you feel.Living with an addict is exhausting & mentally draining...

Rachael 3 years ago

I went to my first Al Anon meeting tonight and all I could do was cry. I have been with my lover for over a year. It was his 6th year of sobriety. After his brother died he couldn't grieve and turned back to heroine and crack cocaine. I'd never seen anyone do that before. I certainly know what you mean about staying up all night to make sure he's breathing. He promised me he's checking into detox in the morning. I'm going to drive him. Somehow I can't shake the anxiety that it's all a lie. He's not going to detox. He's going to make excuses and I'm going to play the fool. This sucks so bad! I just feel like the man I love has lost his soul and it's all been replaced by this stupid addiction.

Jack 3 years ago

My sympathies for what you, and everyone else, has gone through. Personally, I was on the opposite end of the situation - I'm a recovering drug addict (clean for eight months now, after my last relapse). I'd been abusing drugs for about a year before I met my girlfriend, but nothing too bad at the time - only the ocassional use. I got together with her a year later and around about the same time my usage shot up. Long story short, she ended up finding out. I so very nearly lost her, but after a long struggle with denial she made me realise that I needed to get clean and save myself - if not for my own sake, then for her's. I've relapsed more times than I care to remember, but every time I seem to last longer without taking drugs, and I have her to thank for it. She has stood by time and given me the strenght I needed to fight this horrible affliction. For all the hell I've been through with it, the worst part for me is knowing the incredible pain and upset I must have caused her. All I want to do now is live a life without drugs and try and makeup for the pain I've caused her.

At the end of the day, I think the writer of this article is right. Yes, you should support your partner/friend/relative through their pain - but only if they're willing to fight their problem. If they're not, then you always need to put yourself first. But if they will fight it, remember that most of us want to stay clean. Even eight months down the line nothing sounds better to me than just one more hit, and frankly if someone gave me a good excuse to relapse I'd probably take it in a heartbeat. Everything does lie on the addict, but if they're willing to get clean, you really can't begin to imagine how important it can be to have someone to help you do it and stick to it.

Suzanne 3 years ago

I am sorry for what youve gone through. I am experiences this right now. My husband of over 20 yrs is an addict and has been abusing narcotics and Xanax for the last 5 yrs. You're description of falling asleep constantly is right in line. Whether it be in food or while smoking. It really is stressful. Youre not alone. I feel so helpless. I don't want to live without him but I can't sat back and watch him kill himself by overdosing on these drugs. He is currently in rehab right now and wants to leave. I spoke to him last night and he told me I would never see him again. He told me to have a nice life and hung up. Please pray for us.

Claudine 3 years ago

Hi. I'm living with an addict (alcohol, cocaine). I cried when I read your story because it's my life right now. He lies and threatens to kill himself if I don't give in. He hasn't been able to hold a job for the past 10 months. I moved to an area of my city and his abuse doubled because everyone around us seemed to be drinking and using. I just left that apt two weeks ago and moved to my parents' place for two months. He is living in town by himself. He keeps telling me that we are over because I am not nearby to be at his beck-n-call. This man has changed me forever. I've had to declare bankruptcy - he charged over $10,000 to my credit cards. He also spent nearly $10,000 in savings. All spent on booze and drugs. My self esteem is destroyed. I'm depressed and cry all day at the drop of a hat. I'm trying to break away but I find myself needing to talk to him. I feel like such a loser and the problem is that I have been covering up all this up with lies that I cannot talk to anyone. Not family or friends.

Tonight, after travelling 1 hour to see in him town, have lunch and then have him leave me in the car and say that he didn't want to see me tonight, me driving all the way back home... he has threatened to kill himself (slitting his wrists) if I didn't go back to him and go out for drinks. We texted back and forth and his last message said that he was finally doing it, that he had written me a letter and that I could have saved him if only I would have gone and had a "few" drinks with him. All this after he knows how much I despise alcohol after how much he has drank. ... Part of me is scared that this time, he will finally kill himself. Despite everything that he has done to himself and to me, despite all the times he has hung up on me or said really mean things to me,... I do love him. However, I know that I can't save him.... He has to save himself.

To all you who are going through something similar or have gone through something similar... I hope you have the strength to walk away and take care of yourself. Your mate is going to do everything that they can do to satisfy their addiction. They will manipulate your heart and your mind. Be strong.

Maria 3 years ago

I read your story and everything about it I'm living it right now I've been married almost eight years now and have three wonderful children, and a husband who uses marijuana and cocaine, I have talked to him so many times but everytime i talk to him he just listens and doesn't take any action, I remember the first time i found out about him problem he didn't know what to say, its like hes not the same person i feel in love with i wish i had him back but it seems impossibe for him to stop, u know that one picture of your x on the day before he left thats the same look on my husbands face everyday , and i just cant stand it anymore its like i hate him for what he does i love him so much my children love him i dont know what they would do without him i know i will survice but them there so close to him and he loves them to, i dont know if he'll ever change and i dont know if i will ever put a stop to it i dont know how , i just know that i love my children and i would do anything for them, i just want them to have their old dad back one day.

friend 3 years ago

I am dealing with the uncertainty of a life with a drug addict. He lies and he is very sick. I don't want to get a divorce but I don't want to live like this either. I only stay because he keeps fooling me that he will stop on his own with aa. Yeah right, but I am sick because I want to believe him. I want to have hope. Thanks for your story and I wish you happiness and a life free from this type of pain. I feel for all of you and my heart keeps breaking.

Stephanie 3 years ago

I cried whe I read your story. it is my story too. my husband has had a cocaine/crack addiction for 2 years now. but he recently spilled his guts and admitted he was always a cocaine user. always?? we have been married 10 yrs! how could I not have seen it?? I have little knowledge of drugs, all I know is what I have seen with him. I have never seen him use, he will disapear for a day or 2, and come back, not high anymore, but not well. he will sleep, I will try to talk to him, yell at him, as I write this, I am wondering where he is, he left to go to the store...yesterday.

he can get a few weeks in being clean, and yes, I pee test him, this past time, he made it 10 weeks! why go back when you have 10 weeks in sober. he has a very good job, we have a home, 3 kids, 2 whom have autism, and high functioning aspergers, I feel I need to keep their life stable, and keep their dads problem from traumatising them. they are young, and don't seem to be aware, but what if he can never stay clean? what about when they are older? I have no answers for myself, so I keep praying he will finally get, and stay clean. he comes from a good family, and we are all hurting for reasons and answers to why he chooses drugs.

I have thought about, and still am thinking of divorcing him. my friends think I am crazy for staying this long, but I keep trying to believe he can beat this addiction. but on a day like today, I jus don't know if he really wants to beat it.

GG 3 years ago

Hi. I also live with an addict. I am sad to say it happens to be my son and I"m really struggling with my emotions and though process right now. One minute I'm done. I'm not going to enable him and then next I'm balling my eyes out and letting him live with me. It's a horrible situation and I feel trapped and a lot of resentment. I am beginning to feel like there's something wrong with me for feeling like I do towards my son. He's very charming and I want to believe him but I know I can. He's a liar. He's an addict. I love him. I will pray for all of you as I pray for him tonight. For safety and for peace and healing.

GG

friend 3 years ago

We are feeling the same pain and fear of the unknown. My husband has been using for the last 6 months I think. Since my last posting he has moved to his parents. He is still lying, using and justifying it evenmore by saying he only uses pot. He is spun on speed and shooting up heroin too, Abusing suboxen to get clean when he is sick and drying up his parents money. He tells me he hasn't cheated on me and he knows he is wrong. We fight everytime we talk or see eachother because I feel so abandoned and forgotten while he uses drugs by himself and parties with a coworker he has found to enable him. He refuses to change and says he has a plan and he will quit next week. It has been a month since he said that. He relapsed 3 times in the siz years I have known him and nothing is sacred. Eventhough we are married it was no exception for his relapsing. He is also a good person, cleancut looking and holds a job. But he has become a dirty junkie once again and I am so disgusted, depressed, stressed out over when will he stop! He used to go to rehab right away. Now he just keeps using to maintain and forget about his failing marriage. We have no kids, no money problems, he has nothing to complain about and he still does not want to get back into treatment or program. I worry everynight he will get arrested,od, die, get aids, get hep c, get in an accident or cheat or steal from me! I am so sick of playing detective, sifting through lies, and waiting for him to make a decision. He has his parents fooled and they are so out of it they are just happy he just smokes pot and they believe that! I am scared because I can't control what he is doing. My prayers will include all of you and I wish you strength and health. I feel so betrayed. When will he come back and be a sober husband like the one I knew before? Things are more different than ever. Lord help us!

sad in oregon 2 years ago

The saddness on this page alone is well, really beyond words. I live with a differnt type of addict but the emotions are all the same and so is the addict cycle. Around and around in the same emotional balltleground headed for the war we are never going to win. My husband of eight years is a sex addict. The terror of not knowing who is having sex with, the shame I feel of my personal self esteem in the toilet. Yet the complications of leaving and the fear of my broken hearted children. I am currently leaving my husband and to know I tried and can see the light at the end of the tunnel is like taking a breath of clean mountain air. I am free of living with an addict, I love my husband enough to let him learn to battle his demons. I can and so can all you wonderful woman learn to live again. I can suppport my husband as soon as he can learn to support himself. And if the day comes when he doesnt come to terms with himself then thats the way HE chose to live and I cannot take ownership of that anymore. I love my babies and off into the world I go partnerless but with my chin at least above water.

friend 2 years ago

You have alot of courage. Everyone says I will know when I am done with my husaband and I am still not sure. My husband finally agreed to treatment after using heroin, speed, pot and alcohol for 5 months. He completed his 30 days and moved back in. We had an argument and he went out and used. He has been using pot and heroin and i asked him to leave. I am burdened by his addiction and feel obligated to help him. I really think he has learned to manipulate me and he is severely addicted to heroin and he does not want to give it up completely. He does not use the tools of aa when he needs to. He always gives into his cravings or uses drugs as a solution so he won't feel. I am starting to hate him but at the same time feel sorry for him. It is disgusting to see his face when he is high and lying to me about it. I am amazes at your courage and I believe you went through hell. I hope I can be as strong as you. I hate cryong my eyes out everynight and then go to alanon so I can deal with him evenmore. I need to stop this unhealthy cycle. Thanks for your story.

Wendy  2 years ago

So sad to see that there are so many others in a boat on the same ocean. From where I sit I feel all alone. Embarassed, scared, confused, sad, hopeful.... I am not me anymore. I was a strong, confident, successful woman who finally, after decades of searching, found her one true love, my prince. I knew of his drug history (well I thought I knew but I had no clue as I was ignorant to drugs and those who abused them and thought it was done...) But it is never done. RELAPSE happened and I was devastated... went through all the emotions and fear and most of all was petrified as I knew nothing about this addiction process. I was ignorant and hadn't seen it coming... and then in 5 days he destroyed his entire life, spent his last dollar, and pawned his last possesion. Years of work down the drain in less then a week. (Cocaine/Crack) He finally came home and went voluntarily into treatment... A long road back, but 6 months later he was still clean, had a good job and life was just peachy. He proposed, I accepted and I would finally have my fairytale ending after all! UNTIL... a month later when my dreams were shattered again. He relapsed. Again. How could he do it? After all we went through? I supported him unconditionally the first time. We had everything. What was he thinking? I was run over by a freight train that I never saw coming. He went missing for almost a week and I honestly thought he was dead. I was calling morgues throughout the state and preparing to file for custody of his daughter that lived with us as I was convinced he was never returning. But he did and was very remorseful once again. I did not know what to do. I was paralyzed with fear. I had no answers and no one to turn to as I was deeply embarassed and ashamed and knew if I told anyone they would tell me to leave him. So now what. What is the right thing to do? Here I am with the man I love in bed crying non-stop for two days as he was deeply remorseful, a 16 year old "step daughter" who I am soley responsible for (no other parent in the picture) and I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is for him or me. I love him, but need to protect me. How can I do both? I have an education, a great job, financially secure, everything... and now I wake up to the reality that there is an addict sharing my bed. How did I get here? He didn't ask to stay and said he would honor whatever my wishes were. He did not want to hurt me anymore. I decided that I could not decide and would take it one day at a time until I figured it out. He joined a relapse group and started going to meetings again. It has been 6 weeks and he is still clean and trying very hard. We have a contract now; if he uses again, he may not live here anymore. I know it must be that way. I am hopeful but still live in fear everyday. I am full of resentment one day and at the sametime grateful for another day clean. He is a wonderful man and if he can stay this way I do want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. I would do anything for that man. But when will I know? When does the fear go away? Am I blinded to reality because of my love for him? I don't know what reality is anymore. I don't know how to move forward because I am not sure where forward is going. Your posts bring me comfort because I know that I am not alone and if I am crazy, then I am in good company. I thank you for sharing your stories and pray for all of us.

Mary 2 years ago

I read your story and I have to say thank you for sharing it. I live with a man who is addicted to speed and marihuana. I try to help him the best I can, try to understand but drugs had never been part of my life before I met him. I knew that he smoked sometimes to relax but didnt understand it until now how serious it is. His spent all our savings in just a couple of days on drugs and I feel so empty, used, hopeless.. He's been to rehab many times before we met and said to me he is going to go again but I feel that he just say it to make me feel better, cause hasnt done anything about it yet.

I dont know how long I can keep going like this, we planned to have kids and getting a house but seems like all the dreams are broken. I feel that the only thing he cares is himself. He is such a charming guy and I keep forgiving him a lot. i just feel that at this point I have reached my limit, I cant give anymore, help anymore, be understanding. He irritates me so much at the moment but I cant leave him, I dont wanna leave him, he is like a magnetic, I just cant go away from him. It's so nervewrecking, I cant really talk to anybody about this. His mum knows all of it but believes now that its all over. We live in a small town and here I cant go and open my mouth cause then everybody would know. All my old friends live far away and I dont want to worry them. But I also know just talking about it is not going to help him to get clean. I can talk to my guy about it a lot, but when he goes and uses drugs there is no way of stopping it, he says that his every sell in his body craves it.

My life doesnt seem real anymore, I am all concentrated on him and his desease and I dont want him to take me with him, I feel like my life is spiralling down. Because of all this I am much stronger person, I have learned a lot. But in my mind I am constantly trying to find a way out of this, Im not sure yet of it is with or without him. I have promised to give him some time but if nothing changes I have to choose my life and my dreams.

I wish he could feel my pain, he can see my tears but that doesnt make any difference to him, he just thinks that I am too emotional. I could never hurt him like he hurts me. I have decided to stay positive and strong. And some day in the future I remember this time as very dark, eye-opening experience, where I survived but god i hope he survives too.

JULIE 2 years ago

HI

MY NAME IS JULIE & MY HUSBAND IS AN ADDICT. HE WILL DO ANY DRUG THAT HE CAN. IT MAY BE PILLS. IF HE STARS OUT WITH ALCOHOL OR XANAX HE BLACKS OUT & IT LEADS TO CRACK THEN IT JUST GOES DOWN HILL FROM THERE.

IN 06 HE BROKE MY WRIST INTO BECAUSE I WOULDN'T GIVE HIM THE CAR KEYS(WE ONLY HAD 1 CAR) I KNEW HE WOULDN'T COME BACK IN TIME FOR ME TO GO TO WORK. I WAS WORKING 2 JOBS TRYING TO KEEP THINGS A FLOAT. IT IS PHYSICAL, MENTAL. ITS TERRIBLE. IN AUG 07 HE WENT TO REHAB BY THIS TIME ALL CREDIT CARDS ARE MAXED OUT. I CAN BARELY PAY THE RENT. IN OCT 07 HE TOTALED OUT THE CAR. BREAKING HIS LEFT FEMUR BONE INTO. WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A WEEK OF COURSE THEY SENT HIM HOME WITH ALL KINDS OF PAIN PILLS. HE IS AT HOME DOING PILLS & HAVING PEOPLE BRINGING HIM CRACK ALL OF THIS MAKES HIM A VERY VIOLENT PERSON. HATING TO EVEN GO HOME FROM WORK. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO DIDN'T WANT MY PARENTS TO KNOW. SO I WOULD TAKE ALL OF THIS BE UP ALL NIGHT & STILL WORKING 2 JOBS. GETTING AROUND ON CRUCHES HE WOULD HOBBLE AROUND MEETING THE DOPE BOYS. I WAS VERY ANGRY...MAYBE EVEN STILL ANGRY. HE WOULD LEAVE & WOULDNT COME HOME DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HE WAS AT. A ASK GOD WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO. FINALLY TOLD HIM HE COULDN'T COME BACK THAT I WAS PACKING MY THINGS. I COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY THE BILLS. HE PROMISED HE WOULD GO BACK TO REHAB. HE WENT BACK AGAIN. THIS WAS FEB 08 GOT HOME IN LATE MARCH 08. HE GOT A NEW JOB & WAS DOING GREAT. WE WERE ABLE TO EAT AGAIN. WAS CLEAN FOR 8 MONTHS & STARTED TO TAKE PAIN PILLS AGAIN. COURSE THEY MADE HIM ACT LIKE HE WAS DOING CRACK I UGLY HATEFUL MEAN PERSON. HE HAD A LITTLE MONEY SAVE & THOUGHT IF WE TOOK A TRIP TO FLORIDA WHERE HE WENT TO REHAB. THAT HE COULD KICK IT. WELL IT DIDNT WORK..... MAY 2 HE WAS OUT AGAIN ALL NIGHT SMOKING CRACK HE HAD NOT DONE THAT IN OVER A YEAR. HE CAME IN ASKING ME TO FORGIVE HIM. I HAD MY THINGS ALREADY PACKED. HE HAD 8 DAYS UNDER HIS BELT & TOOK MORE PILLS. LAST NIGHT SMOKED CRACK AGAIN. I AM AT THE POINT. IS IT TIME FOR ME TO GO. I TELL MYSELF I NEED TO STAY BECAUSE I NEED HIS CHECK TO HELP PAY THE BILLS. WE HAVE ALOT BECAUSE OF ALL OF HIS GOING ONS. BUT, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS ALL AGAIN. ITS LIKE WHAT IS THE FINAL STRAW WHEN DO YOU THROW IN THE TOWEL... WHEN DO YOU SAY ENOUGH IS ENGOUGH. YES I LOVE THIS MAN VERY MUCH. I DON'T WANT THE ABUSE TO START AGAIN. SO IAM AT MY WITS END TELLING MYSELF IS IT OVER OR DO I STAY & TRY IT AGAIN.

SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I DONT THINK ALOT OF PEOPLE UNDERSTAND HOW THE PERSON WHO LIVES WITH THE ADDICT REALLY GOES THRU & HOW THEY FEEL.

friend 2 years ago

Wow! Some things never change and I hate to sound so hopeless. My husband was asked to leave and went to motels and lived in his truck and then his parents took him in for fear he would die in the street. My husband said he would try to just smoke pot instead of injecting heroin. I agreed to let him come back and told him i accepted the fact that he was not going to be in the program and he was going to use pot. He started to come home from work, shower and leave to his friends so he can hang out all night. He would come home at 11pm watch tv until 1am and i would have to ask him to go to bed in another room. He did this for 5 days straight and i blew up. I said he had to leave because he was doing speed, pot and god knows what but i couldn't live with his lies and his drug use. He paid the rent and left peacefully. He went to live with his parents and they had to kick him out after a week of the same thing and running their cell phone bill up to 400 bucks.

He works a hard job in the day, uses drugs all day and all night. He has returned to the original drug of his choice which is injecting speed. Now he does not call me at all. It is like he has become this cold robot and has no feelings about anything or anyone. He has never been abusive, but he acts strange and wants to use drugs instead of be with me. We have no kids, no financial probs, everything is easy except for his using. I have to admit it is quiet and peaceful with him gone, but I wonder every night where he is, will he die, will he get hiv or hep c,will he get arrested etc: He is such a great guy with a big heart and he chooses to be a dope fiend. I know he is sick but he does not want help. Hes been to 10 rehabs/ sober living/ jail etc. This time his disease is so strong I dont know if he will ever comeback and be the loving husband i have known for 8 years.

All of us seem to just worry and pray and watch our loved ones kill themselves and destroy themselves and our hearts. Why does God let this happen? Why can't i save him? Why can't he remember the love and good life we have? These are things I think about and I know you all understand by all the entries. I wish for the courage to keep going forward and to keep having faith eventhough i doubt it. Thanks for all of your stories whether they are changing or not, it helps to know we share this pain and suffering. I am not some superwoman who is just going to move on and charge ahead. I am human and I have a heart. Blame me for that! I am so lonely and so depresses over his using. I want this person to love me back and be sober. What's wrong with that?

Allie 2 years ago

my partner of 5 years is a heroin addict and an alcoholic, he keeps promising to go into rehab but he never does. when he is high on drugs he falls aasleep making cigarette burns in all of my funiture and carpets, he never chnges his clothes and smells horrible. I have begeed him to stop but all i get from him is false promises. I have found him overdosed twice, we now have a 2 year old daughter and i am so scared that she will choose the same path, i am only 25 i dont feel able to do this anymore, surely there is more to life than this?

lynn  2 years ago

mines been addicted to meth for 10 years he also sells it we have 2 kids a 6 yr old and an 4 year old and im 4 months pregnant we are both 25 i found out hes been cheating on me with an 18 year old, hes ruined our lives dont care about anything but himself now i guess shes living with him.. i just dont understand how he can say he loves me and move on with her so fast it hurts so bad but theres nothing i can really do.. its not like this is the first time and im sick of the lies and staying out all night i just dont see how he can throw me away i mean i knew he was a loser but i cant believe hes been cheating on me while im pregnant... i havent talked to him for 2 weeks i got out of town and am staying with a friend when does it get easier?? if ever.. i feel all your pain and im very sorry there's so many people going through this its just not fair i gave him everything even stood by him with his addiction now he just throws me away as if im nothing not to mention he just dumped my kids off with her i knocked on the door and she opened it and had the nerve to tell me i couldnt come in lol i knocked her to the floor and took my kids literally but she didnt dare try to stop me cause i would have probably went to jail for beating her into acoma as mad as i was.my prayers are with everyone going through the same thing i hope i have the strength to make it through this cause sometimes i just dont know.

Crystal Dawn 2 years ago

I was utterly amazed to read your story and all the comments that followed. I could literally relate to every single one of you. Yet I sit here feeling empty and alone. Met my b friend on the internet as well... found out he was in a half way house, told him NO WAY, yet somehow i let him talk me into this relationship and although we have been together for 8 months he has been using off and on the last 2 months.At first it was Xanax and oxy xodone but the last relapse ... that ended 2 weeks ago and only lasted abt 1 week was Roxicets...and he was shooting them in his arm with a needle. I found a needle hidden under the corner of my bedroom carpet last week. A NEEDLE! And a bloody tissue and I have 4 children from a past marriage...one of them is only 2... what if he found it!! He falls asleep wit cigg when he is using... leaves the bottles of his suboxine (that he only takes when he is clean) on the nightstand where the baby can get it... I HATE that stupid high look on his face when he is lying to me, wher did the man I met go??? This man here now is an imposture. I HATE and always have hated drugs... why on earth would an addict pick me to be with??? Why not get a party girl?? My self esteem is shot and i am tired of the manipulation... the "if you loved me.. you would --------" fill in the blank! I really need a friend that understands. Just wish I had the money and will power to run run run with my kids!! Something has to give before I loose my mind! Unfortunatly I am addicted to trying to help broken people :(

Charlie, the ex-husband 2 years ago

Hi, of course our views are different, but in the beggining she thought I left her for some other woman. No one could have compared to Kelly. I left her for drugs. I am an addict. I struggle everyday. If you are an addict, you are hurting those around you and you may not even know it. The guilt I feel for what I put Kelly through will haunt me for the rest of my life. Addicts: please try to get help, and NA/AA does help. If you know an addict and want to help them? Offer rehab, no money...never cash. Good Luck to ALL

Lisa 2 years ago

i just want to know how long you stay??? Mine was a recoverd alcoholic when i met him, I even went to meeting with him. We got married, he had done some pain pills, but

Lisa 2 years ago

Sorry, got cut off, but need to start over to see if I can get it all off my chest.

...How long do you stay with an addict/recovering addict/????In and out, for the past 12 years??? I married him when he was in A.A. not really understanding that drugs could be part of it, after all A.A. if for alcoholics, right? The kind who I picture sitting at a bar all day and drinking away. He was sober at 23, and did coccaine but all while he was younger so that's when his mother checked him in and he was sober when I met him.Anyways, he took a few pain pills, every now and then, had a bad back, and then started the drinking. It was all in the past he had said and now that he was older, not hanging with the same crowd, etc. it was ok. It was for a while, we went out, to bars, had fun, go engaged, married, and were soon expecting our baby girl. Built a house, then his mother was tragically killed, and boom!!! Alcohol consumed him then oxy's took over him for 2 years of his life. I was always searching for what it was, and tried to find out so badly, but never "really" knew. He meanwhile went back to meetings, but was falling asleep everywhere, burning holes in his clothes, and eventually I caught him, and he had to turn himself into detox, which we all kept hidden. I had a daughter from a previous marriage also. Moving on, through-out those years, I, who social drinks with friends, etc. was being put through emotional abuse by the now recovering again person, "Oh you are a drunk", "oh go with your friends I don't want to see it", etc. Very hard to hear. years of him being on and off pills, etc. I was put on anti-anxiety drugs myself, how exhausting. Well flash forward, he has been in detox about 4 times, and we have become 2 different people. Always being put dowm, fighting, checking his pupils,going to counselors... multiple times, but he is very good at hiding his disease.In the past year, I knew something "again" was different but wasn't sure WHAT. Taping up windows, finding bags empty, but he finally said he was snorting pain pills, so again a detox he must go. They did an new out-patient thing with some pills, but soon in just last week, came crashing down when my 9 year old found a small baggie outside which was crack. Of he denied,no drug testing for him because it would come up positive because he was on the detox pills, we told her it was something else, but this time I read the book "Enough is Enough" by some lady on intervention and it hit me, he needed in-house long term treatment. So again, he and a ton of $$$ it cost to put him in, but while he is there, we are finding out how bad it really is. Money gone, credit-lines opened, credit cards, mutuals gone, and I am not even 40 yet!!! I know love has never been an issue, he loves us, takes care of us, I think I still love him, but know I cannot go on like this. I have to let him go, but he will be there 30 days and it is not even been a week. I am reading all your stories, and want to know that even though he has been sober back and forth and once "Caught", always agrees to get help, should I deal with this the rest of my life?? Like many of you, my friends think I am crazy for being here, I am so desperate to find myself, I have been an enabler, emotionally abused, it has just become a sick relationship, and if he does get out sober, this crack is all new to me, will it last with how bad it has been? Have I had enough? I think I know the answers, but really need encouragement.Going to counselors for myself next week, and Nar-a-non, but should I support him still, or just get out, and try to remain friends for our daughters? I am so exhausted....:)

Lisa 2 years ago

Thank-you so much Kelly - anne, just can't sleep and woke up on here to see how this thing worked, wasn't sure because I had never signed up. Thank-you for answering my post, it just made me cry. This is so hard, but I know I am not happy now, starting 2 girls tomorrow in 2 new schools, by myself, is hard and scary. Being in this big house by myself is scary, he is there getting help, eating better, working out, etc. and I can't help feel a bit of resentment towards him.I know it will prolly never be the same, how can you ever rebuild trust from that? I don't think he would ever be able not to always have the temptation and me again constantly checking him, "are you on something?" and then that starts a fight. My youngest always says, stop fighting!!! She feels it. Oh gosh, no easy answers huh??? Ok, well tomorrow I start counseling, AGAIN for myself, and then to a nar-non, my 1st meeting on Tuesday. Will see how that makes me feel. Again, thank you ;)

Lisa 2 years ago

Here is purpose phase now...1 week in and he in geting "cocky", well I havn'e been man enough to stand up you. just know that sobriety will always have to come first, and like yelling you a storm how he has to be the man he was onece a time ago, and I would luv if he could but the cockiness, ewwwwwwww, I think I'm really done now??.! This alll was HIS fault and suddenly it has become mine??? No way!

unsure 2 years ago

Hi Miss Kelly Ann,

I have an issue that I'm dealing with. I totally agree with you and your idea that women should put themselves first, and their children first. I was married to a drug addict for many years. Unfortunately after multiple attempts at sobriety, my husband would relapse time and time again. I was a codependent for many years, covered his butt when he'd miss work, family dinners etc. Would give him thousands of dollars to pay off drug debts. Blah blah blah. It's the same story everyone living with a drug addict has. I finally decided to put myself and my son first and left him. He went into a recovery program and lived with his mother while we were apart. He kept asking me over and over if we would be getting back together. I stayed strong and told him that if I could see that he was getting his life back together, I'd give it a chance. After seeing him fail over and over, my faith in him started to wither away. I started feeling that there really would be no chance of getting back together. He'd ask and I'd just keep telling him that I was waiting for him to get better. Then one morning I was told that he had taken his life. He committed suicide in his mothers basement. That was truly the most horrifying day of my life. The worst part was having to tell my son that his father was dead. What I'm battling with is the fact that my brain tells me what I did wasn't wrong. I still believe that it's not an appropriate environment for a child to live in and it's a terrible way to live as a wife. But my heart aches wondering if I had only done it a different way maybe he'd still be alive. I can't help but feel that way. I'm very torn. Do you think I should have supported him instead of leaving him?

unsure 2 years ago

Thanks for your support. It's almost like I need a stranger to verify my actions were right. Just another someone to make me feel better I guess. I believe you when you say that if he was still here he'd probably be using still. I truly believe that. I think he just couldn't imaging living without the use of drugs. It's sad but true. It's just very hard for me to talk to other women and say that I believe they should leave the addict after this happened to me. it's very confusing as you can imagine. My best advice for women is very similar to yours. Do what's right for you because living with an addict is a life long battle. An addict is always an addict and you can most definitely expect relapses to occur. For me, I could no longer stand living that way and I didn't want my son to live with the constant tension that loomed in the air day after day. I fell so sad for my husband but I must say, I don't have that sick feeling day in and day out like I used to. I'd give anything to have him back - for my sons sake but I think he's at peace now and that' comforting. I pray for all the women out there who are going through similar stuff right now.

John 2 years ago

To the respondent "unsure", without doubt, your decisions were in the best interest of yourself and your kids. I emplore you, do not consider otherwise. I will echo the commnts of "miss_kelly_anne". As a man, and being on your side of things, I completely understand. Parts of me say how did she do it? Yet, here I am saying how did I get here? My wife stole my inactivated credit card and managed to take cash advances on that account that enabled her to purchase "oxycontins". So, please, anyone, what the deuce do I do? I have two kids with her and she wants to move them to Massachusetts.

lorraine hartfree 2 years ago

I have read all the comments and have found them to be encouraging and also sad too. I am a 48 year old english lady living in Barbados, been with a 32 year old bajun for 5 years, who is a cocaine addict, and i didnt realise as i have no dealings with drugs at all. I drank quite a bit, but was a controlled drinker, to think of a terminoligy.

Anyway after many years of verbal abuse, smashing up property, etc etc he went to rehab.....3 times but walked out each time. Promising as they do that he will stay clean himself, with the help of meetings, which he didnt do. So up until a couple of days ago we lived together with my two children, 15 and 10. But i told him before that , that if he does cocaine again, we are done. It took the slightest thing to trigger him off and as i said two days ago he left. at 2am in the morning i was woken by the police . they had him because they found him with cocaine on him and wanted to veify his address. They never charged him which really annoyed me and he left. Came back to get his clothes, i think hopeing i would let him back but as he didnt the next morning his smart church clothes were strewn up the street, basically because he knew that would hurt me.

He has no where to live so will be sleeping rough, whereas he had a lovely home with me and kids, and you wonder why they can give it all up for a bit of powder. The trouble is i think we all keep waiting for them to wake up and smell the coffee ....but their not going to are they.? and so we are left picking up the pieces of our tattered emotions because THEY have given us no choice but to kick them out. We are left upset and hurt, and pobablyt have to watch them picking up with some other idiot who will put up with it for a while, and so it goes on. I guess what i am trying to say is i dont want the pain of losing him. And yet i know our life together is me walking on egg shells the whole time and it get wearing.

My sympathies to all those going through what i am going through and my sympathies to the addicts that cannot let go of their addiction. by the way i am almost 6 months clean of alchohol....done to support him as he said he could not be around someone who drinks. Its really hard for me to give up drink as i work in a social world and i love to drink, but i did it, and have stuck with it up till now ...one day at a time. My point being its not drugs and i know that is harder to give up but it is an addiction. Ofcourse i got it thrown in my face that i was miss perfect. WEll i am far from perfect, but when you love someone you so want to help them. Now i just need to be strong and stay away from him. He is about a mile from me so i see him around all the time.

Help!!

marybelle 2 years ago

Do they ever get better? I'm 12 years into this. Will it ever stop? I feel so responsible for him. I feel like he will die if I put him out. But I might die if he stays. What makes them stop? I am starting to believe that they never do. mb

Rob 2 years ago

I'm sorry to hear these stories and this is truly sad for the victims (the partner or family member affected). I am 40 years old and have been with my fiance for about 5 years. I recently found out that she has and alcohol problem which she is kept hidden from me for a while - or perhaps I was too naive to notice. I've never really drank much, never smoked a cigarette, and never touched any kind of drugs. So I had no idea what I was dealing with. Then I came home one day at lunch from work and she was passed out on our bed with an empty bottle of vodka next to the bed. Over the past 6 months that has happened about 4-5 times. Each time she swears it will never happen again. The most recent alcohol situation occurred about 2 months ago. I packed my stuff and was ready to go but she swore it would all change. A few weeks later I came home and her new car was in the garage with 3 flat tires and and the side mirror was hanging off. I went inside and she was pretending to read a book while relaxing on the couch. I asked if she was OK and what was going on. She acted surprised that I would ask....then I asked about the car. She had no idea the car was damaged. Then she stumbled to the garage to see....then I could see she was a mess and she immediately got angry at me and said it was my fault that she drinks and abuses pain pills. So I put her to bed calmly and then started packing my things....again. She slept off her pills over Friday/Saturday and on Sunday she woke up and swore it would never happen again and she'd seek help and go to meetings and all would be wonderful. How many times does this have to happen before I wake up? Do I really spend each day driving home from work wondering if she got fired, got drunk, crashed her car, or hurt someone else? or do I trust that she is on the road to recovery?????? I'm a working professional with a nice job, a beautiful home....I feel that I'm living the American Dream but each day is a crap shoot. My fiance has a 17 year old son in college and I am getting the feeling that she is just using my job/security/kindness so she can simply survive her duties as a mother. She makes no decisions, provides no direction, and has very limited financial means to support her very expensive tastes and her son's spoiled nature. The first few years of our relationship were great, but it seems that time has proven that the person I knew was simply masking the hidden addict that I did not know existed. I hate that I'm complaining about this situation since there are people with obviously bigger problems and I certainly sympathize. But I've kept myself in this holding pattern for the past 1.5 years wondering if she'll truly turn her life around....or am I just wasting my time and she is destined to continually repeating this lifestyle. Advice?????

Rob 2 years ago

cont'd from above. After reading my post I realized I skipped some background info. My above mentioned fiance comes from a long line of drug/alchol addicts. I didn't realize they existed until much later in our relationship as she does not communicate much with them. The more I read about addiction I'm learning that there seems to be a hereditary element. Her father and 2 siblings have obvious alchohol problems, and 3 other siblings have chronic drug/alchohol issues. I hate that I tend to make excuses for her and feel that I am responsible or can somehow save her. I'm a very driven man and often think I can do anything....but it seems that recovery is up to her....that being said, I guess I've been enabling this problem since I tend to say, "don't worry, we can beat this together and then I do the research, monitor the situation, and support/reward success". But addiction recovery lies with her. I'm just so tired and frustrated and sad to think that she puts alchohol and pills before her son and before our relationship. My family constantly tells me that I'm being used and taken for granted and deserve better. But it's hard to just walk away when you see someone struggling.

Elspeth 2 years ago

I am the mother of a 22 year old heroin addict, my daughter. we share a house with two other siblings, my husband and I am also the full time carer for her three year old daughter, the light of my life. Because of the situation Ive had to give up full time employment so money is tight. Ive discovered things that happened during my daughters childhood that seemed to come to light after the birth of her daughter and within four months of her being born she turned to heroin. It nearly destroyed me, I believe now that I did have a breakdown, my husband has been my rock. Now three and a half years on we have been on the roller coaster that goes with addiction and dictates your moods. Two months ago my daughter was raped. Now she refuses the help she needs, I know she is terrified that her therapist has unlocked memmories and so she refuses to go back. Im at the end of my tether with her, my sympathy has been replaced with such anger as I look at this monster that used to be my daughter. I cant live like this, I feel like im on the edge again but am scared to put her out as she has many suicide attempts. I know she is very immature for her years and just doesnt seem to be able to cope without me unless she is out of her face and then she takes on the super ego that thinks she is so in control. Please help, I really dont know what to do

jpickett2006 2 years ago

I can relate to you I went thru 6 years of having a drug addict in my life till he had too many overdoses and didn't come back leaving behind our son who at the time was 4. I know now when I look back I can see that I done what I thought was important to me as a family but I could have went about it very differently, I only made things worse. I have since remarried and that was 13 years ago but it has been a greiving process.

Ed Y. 2 years ago

Being a former addict, I can only say that lies are the fabric which makes up an addict's life.

At the risk of sounding cynical, there is no reason in the world for you to trust him or believe anything he says. If he says "the sky is blue", you better go outside and look up. Chances are, it's not.

The kindest thing that can be done is for you to turn away from him. Do not enable him any further. Eventually, if enough people do this FOR him, he will either wake up or find himself in a jail/institution or a morgue.

I can empathize with him only because I have walked in every footstep he has taken. It took jail, a suspended 8 year prison sentence for selling heroin, hepatitis C and a failing heart to make me wake up (four years clean now).

If more people would have know that they would have been doing me a real favor by doing things we would think unkind, like calling the police, turning away from my nonsense and lies and not enabling, then it would have made it harder for me to continue in my depravity.

I take responsibility for my actions in those yesterdays and the consequences of those actions today. But I would have NEVER done so while I was caught up in that tangled web of addiction and lies.

Sometimes you do need to be "cruel" to be kind.

Ed

M 2 years ago

My husband is an addict, he went from doing drugs to abusing prescription meds. We had to declare bankruptcy a year into our marriage due to the financial spending he was doing. Everything we own is in pawn so he can pay for his meds because he's always running out early and has to pay full price. He's on dialysis now, dying because of what he's done. And i just found out I'm the only person who has been a match to give him a kidney. So I have this chance to give him life and risk mine at the same time while he's abusing drugs so bad that he's slurring his words and sleeping all the time. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Julie 2 years ago

Hi this is the Julie that the husband broke my wrist in to. I finally packed my things & left him this past September. I have or feel that I have done for him all I can do. Just like now he is gone in our new truck haven't seen him for 2 days. He lost him job in July right after that I had surgery & he pushed me down the hall because I didnt get him money fast enough. Right after that he went to rehab again. Came home & started abusing pill within a few days. That was at the end of August I had surgery again in October he came by on the pretense to see me & all it was to get money & still the pain pills the dr gave me. Now he has learned to cook meth & thats his new hobby. He has been arrested twice in December & got a ticket for reckless driving. I have finally to go see about a divorce. It is so hard because I do love him. He stays angry with me because I won't come back home. But, I can't I am scared what he will do to me. Threatens to do all kinds of things to me. He is suppose to go to court tomorrow we will see. I hate that it all has come down to this. All I can do is pray that the man above keeps his hand on him & watches over him. I know how you all feel about being embrassed & hurt. Its like you ask yourself all the time what do I do what is the right thing to do. Do I stay or do I go. Do I feed him or let him go hunger it is so very hard. May God guide & protect us all.

Vivian 2 years ago

I am crying becuase you are describing my husband and although he has remained sober from pills and cocaine he is still very much addicted to marijuanna to the point where he is literally jonesing for it. I have been so scared becuase I dont work and he does becuase I have invested three years of my life and I dont even know who I am anymore if Im not saving him, but your blog your words they let me know that im not alone that there is love and happiness after an addict. I m going to get my life together I hope you do and I hope for both of us a great new life....

Tonya 2 years ago

All of these stories sound really familiar to me in one way, or another.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, but I've known him longer than that. When I first met him, he was an alcoholic and used cocaine and meth. By the time he and I started dating, he had been sober for about 4 years. However, a year and a half ago, I began to notice some major differences in him. He would make plans with me, and then not come over. He wouldn't take my calls, or return my messages on occasions. When he would come over, he would either be very tired, or very wired. He played it off as depression (lost his job earlier in the year).

Well, just over a year now, we've been living together, and I found that he's been abusing his prescription med, adderall. Every other week he would be up for several days in a row, watching porn and masturbating in front of me after refusing to have sex with me. Obviously, that is very hurtful, and I would get upset and arguements would ensue. Well, to "solve" the problem of my "nagging" at him, he's taken to sitting in his car for the 2 to 3 days, watching porn on his phone, and not coming home until he finally needs to sleep. Then, he's back to a depressed state, and wants very little to do with me then as well. A couple weeks later, and he doesn't come home.

As I write this now, he hasn't come home from work, bothered to call, or text me.

Yes, I too have had depression issues for most of my life, but now it's gotten to the point where I can barely pull myself out of bed. I have thoughts of suicide. My self esteem is non existant anymore.

Even as I write all this down for complete strangers to read, I'm even wondering why I still love this man, and can't seem to force myself to leave! I think mainly it's because I'm hoping that the man I fell in love with will return to me. But it's rather bleak as he refuses to admit that he has a problem. I know that I can't change him. I know that I cannot help someone who refuses the help.

I'm currently in therapy, and I'm hoping I'll gain my strength back for my sake.

electrastardust 23 months ago

Hello everyone,

I lost my husband 16 months ago. We were together for 26 years...and he had both a heroine and alcohol addiction...

We had no children, we lost one 4 months into the pregnancy.

He was injecting heroine when I first met him. This scared the shit out of me and the first few months even though we were madly in love, I could not decide whether to stay or go...

Six months after we met and still together, he got sick from bad stuff and asked me to drive him home...

We had an accident...He was not injured, but I suffered a concussion and a brain hemorrhage, as well as lower back and hip injuries, of which the consequences I still suffer from to this day...

He took very good care of me and did everything to help me get better.Took me abroad to see doctors there, the lot!

This incident made me decide to stay with him...he genuinely loved and cared for me...

He was an exceptionally gentle and sensitive soul!He adored animals and so did I, and this was our strongest common bond, as we later came to rescue over 50 strays throughout the years...and this tied us even more.

All our life together was a constant battle against heroine.

He made numerous attempts to detox on his own but would strictly refuse to be hospitalized.

He would try himself either with cough syrup,or codeine pills, methadone etc.But he would always relapse...

The 4th year he was really bad and asked me to help him detox by going to an island and giving him his 'rations' myself. He did manage it and two months later we left for the UK for me to study.

1987 it was when he completely stopped injecting heroine.

He stayed clean for a couple of years, but then his parents dragged him back to our country while I was still in the UK studying and he started smoking it...'chasing the dragon'...

When I finished my studies and came back he was struggling to quit again, as we were supposed to get married (9 years later)and I had told him the only way I would marry him would be for him to be clean.

He sort of managed for a few months, but then started all over again...

For ten years, it was an on/off thing all the time, with endless arguments and fights, desperation, pain and anger mixed with apologies, forgiveness, love and compassion...

After 2001 though, he started having problems with his legs circulation -a hereditary condition exacerbated by his drug abuse-and then alcohol came into the scene...

This was the worst!Worse than heroine I would dare to say...

His brain began failing, his memory going, one car accident after another...a nightmare!

I could not work, he was a full time job...Besides, he did not want me to work and became very controlling and paranoid.One moment he was yelling and the other bringing roses and chocolates to apologize...

I nearly went crazy...and finally came the moment where I got really sick...in early 2008.Had to be operated and still then the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me...

He totally lost it then, thinking that he would lose me and he drank himself to death...He was drinking 3 bottles of vodka per day, plus smoking heroine...

Miraculously I recovered in three months but he did not...

His heart and liver were in a mess and he finally died suddenly in his sleep October 2008 at home...

A few days before he died, I was feeling I would die of exhaustion and told him..."You either go for detox or I will die of exhaustion"...I never thought he would 'set me free' this way...by leaving forever...

16 months after he's gone, I still miss him terribly...

What do I miss you may ask, since most of my life with him was a nightmare?

Well...I miss the wonderful soul he was and what we could have had if the addiction was not there...

I mourn for what 'could' have been and for the exceptional gentle, kind, generous, compassionate person he was...

All of his life he had an attitude towards himself as if he had to 'pay'...as if he was guilty...he felt unwanted...from his family and mainly his mother.

The psychiatrists that I had managed to take him a few times all had said the same thing:"If his mother does not come with him for family therapy, this man is dead"...

I had asked her, begged her to go, but she wouldn't...her reply would be:"Goodness!What the people will say?"...

She never moved a finger to help him...living her own little cosy life,not giving a rat's ass about him.

I am writing this for three reasons:

One is to tell you that you can NOT change someone unless they feel the inner urge to do so themselves.

The second is, to tell you that you should NEVER betray yourself for someone else, no matter if they are your whole life...Actually you should never allow anyone to become your whole life...

And finally, to all those mothers of addicts out there, do EVERYTHING you can for your children BEFORE it is too late.

Inform yourselves, educate yourselves about drugs/alcohol and addiction.And if you feel your child has a problem, GO for family therapy!!!

Physical detox means nothing, anyone can do it...it is the psychological traumas and inner conflicts that have to be worked on in order to get to the bottom of the initial cause of the addiction.

Some people have addictive personalities, but that does not mean that they can not keep them under control, once they know it and know how to handle it without self destructing.

People with addiction problems are not black sheep...they are people in need of help!And the only ones who can do this at an early stage when it is most possible to help is their parents and family.

People with addictions long for real motherly unconditional love...and if they have not gotten it at home, they will never be able to get it from anyone else...

They need parents who genuinely care for them, who show interest in what they do and feel, who communicate with them not only intellectually but emotionally too.

Parents who can give them good, warm love and teach them boundaries, self control and help them channel their creativity, their potential.

R 23 months ago

I read this and I feel like everyone is telling my story. I am currently in a relationship with an addict. That has taken a lot of me to admit. I knew he had been to rehab before but I completely underestimated addiction. I thought that I could handle it, that it was a state of mind. And for a while we did, he lived in a sober-living home and we were good. I got pregnant and we decided to start a family. We were living in separate cities so I started to look for apartments and got ready so sign a lease. The morning that I was going to give my deposit, he tells me he's been smoking crack. I was 6 months pregnant. He said he was sorry and wanted to be a family with me and would do anything to be sober, incl. sobers and rehab. I didn't want my son to grow up without a father because I think that a child needs both parents....I'm beginning to think its not true. We moved in together and he promised he would get better. I thought he was a drug addict, but he's an alcoholic too. Throughout the end of my pregnancy he went through relapse after relapse after relapse. The lies started and continued about where he was going with who etc. The one night that stands out it my mind is the night he did speed and drank and came home and told me that he never loved me, that he didn't understand why I chose to keep our child and that I was stupid for my decisions. He denied feeling that way when he sobered up but my self-esteem has plummeted. I feel like I am stupid for allowing someone to treat me this way. That I'm not worth better. That maybe this is what I deserve. Our son is now 6 months old and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I feel that he doesn't see this. I can almost predict the cycle and know when he's going to relapse. This last time, I had gone to the hospital for severe stomach cramps came home doped up on morphine for the pain and exhausted. He went out leaving me with our son alone, got drunk and spent all his money on crack. Did I mention that he just got his cast off his foot for an incident that happened 7 weeks ago where I had to call the cops. He has assaulted me and I fear now for the future. He's never raised a hand to me before but now I'm afraid what might happen the next time he drinks and go for my son. I love him with all my heart, I have never felt love for another man like this. But I don't think I can allow my son to be in this environment. He is such a great person when he's sober, a great partner and a great father. But I can't keep him locked up inside for fear that he's going to drink and do something terrible. As I'm writing this I realize that I'm killing myself as I watch him kill himself...but then who's going to be there for my son? How do I leave? I'm on the lease and can't afford a place on my own. How can I provide for my son alone, but have a stable environment for him as well? How do I find the strength to pack up and leave? I have shared more here than I have shared with my family and friends; it's sad. No one knows what I go through, yet there are probably millions of people who are going through the same thing. So I guess my real question is, how did the ones who left do it? How did you come to the realization that you cannot help them even if they say they want your help? And how do you deal with the guilt that if you leave you may never see them again?

Dale 23 months ago

I feel so sorry for you. My girlfriend has been doing pain killers for awhile now, while we we've been in a relationship. I knew she did them before and I got the suspicion she was doing them. Little did i know she pawned everything of value, even her mothers new engagement ring. She would lie to me every day saying she wasn't doing drugs. My heart pressure was through the roof. My head would get pounding headaches from the pressure. Finally, a week ago, she decided to tell me that shes been doing drugs, alot of them. So me and her mother decided to take her to rehab. She went willingly. I don't know whether or not this will change anything, but the lies and deceit are devastating. I am sitting here so worried. I engaged to her and she still would not be truthful with me. It hurts so bad to know that drugs are more important to someone than the person they have said they love many times. There is nothing i can do. I tried so many things to be nice to her and that didnt help. I hope to god things change for the better. I dont know if anyone is going to read this but seriously, why have drugs been invented, why are they so easy to get, and why do they consume people. I love my girlfriend/fiance with the deepest compassion, but that can't make a change. My love is nothing in comparison to the power of these drugs. It makes me feel like I am nothing. I hurt so bad. I wish someone could pick me up and take me away so i dont have to worry about it. No back rubs or hugs can help. The lies just have stuck in my head and rotted. I wish people who do drugs could feel the sorrow I am feeling right now, they would never do them again. Its not too late to start over with someone else, I am 24, so there is a lot of life to live, but i loved my fiance dearly. The plans for the future were so bright, but the plans were nothing but lies. I wish i could pray and cause a change, but that will do nothing. I can cry every day, but that will do nothing. I can fail all of my classes, but that will do nothing. I hope, if I were to kill myself, that might do something. Please god, help everyone, this really sucks.

D 22 months ago

I have read your stories and I "feel" your pain. My husband of 18 years - has always taken some kind of pills until the last two years of which I hope he is really clean. I believe I know all the signs now. I "NEVER" knew! I've been on anti-depressents since before we married and always associated it with my previous divorce and dealing with my ex husband, but I believe now that it's because of his addiction. My pain started with the rejection of sex. He would make up excuses to not have sex with me! And our sex life in the beginning was great, we couldn't get enough of each other. Then, it started, the blank looks, empty stares, falling asleep, pushing me away and the excuses of why we "shouldn't" have sex. I found out 2 years ago when he admitted to me that he had a drug problem and how stupid I felt, because I NEVER KNEW! All the signs were there but I was never subjected to any atmosphere or people that used and I had no idea. I had him to doctors because of his low libido, marriage counseling, etc and still - I was the one that never knew. I always believed the counselors were on to something but wouldn't come right out to tell me. I guess they were and when he told me, my world came crashing down. I've since then stopped begging him to love me! Stopped wondering what was wrong with me and why he didn't love me or why I didn't turn him on! I'm full of resentment now. Full of anger even tho he is clean and he tries but he is so immature when it comes to conversation - adult conversation! He is a non emotional person, doesn't act like he cares where I'm at or where I've been. I know he loves me and the kids but - there is no emotion with him. Making love takes forever and he's so slow to pick up on hints. I don't make sexual advances anymore, I just kinda hint. I can't be free to be me! I'm afraid of the turn down, not to mention since all the turn downs started I've gained 60 lbs. Don't get me wrong - when we have sex it's great but I still feel an emptiness inside and now I'm to the point where I have to excitement anymore, not even for sex. He's clean and I'm not sure I love him anymore, I want something I'm not sure he can ever give me, but yet if I imagine him with someone else, I get sick, so I know I still love him, but where is he? Where is the man I fell in love with or was he ever real? How can I forgive him for all he's done? How can I be happy again? Is this me or is it the damage he's done? I'm almost 47 years old, it's not like I'm a young chick, but I already know - I could be calmer and I am when he's not around. Anybody out there care to comment on how I can get over the resentment I feel for the years of sexual denial but yet just enough to keep me reeled in? Let me say that I have 2 mean from my past who I could easily be with so I'm not out of the game completely but, I still want my husband. Whoever that is.

Anna 21 months ago

I am reading all of these stories and it brings my current situation to mind. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. He had told me about going to rehab the summer before we met for crack addiction. At the time, I just said, so we'll never have this problem, right, and he agreed. Ten months into our relationship, he relapsed after going to see his friends in a different town. I didn't know that they were his using buddies, I just thought that they had all been friends since they were toddlers. From there, he would go 3-4 days at a time saying that he was going to stay clean. He even went to a psychiatrist that prescribed these pills that were supposed to suppress the cravings. After 2 months, he finally got involved with an outpatient rehab center and NA/AA.

He was clean for a few months and then he lapsed again, because he cannot handle pressure. This time was only a one-shot deal, and he renewed his committment to sobriety.

He was sober for 8 months, and we were discussing planning our future, setting up a savings account to plan for a wedding and such. He bought a new car for work, since the head gasket in his was dying and relapsed the next day. Mother's Day I spent with his family and he never showed up. I graduated college with my bachelors and he swore he would be there and he didnt make it to the ceremony, and was two hours late to the lunch he had planned with our families and friends.

His mother does nothing but scream and tell him that he's becoming a full fledged junkie and is now telling me that I shouldn't coddle him when he comes home, that I am being too nice. The first time he relapsed, I screamed, cried, cursed, begged, pleaded, etc.. thinking that if he loved me, it would be enough to make him stop.

This time, I make it a point to try and voice my opinion with less pointing and more "when you do..., it makes me feel..." I am so confused as to whether I am doing the right things or not.

I keep reassuring him that recovery will work if he works the program, if you mention inpatient rehab, he refuses to go, but is open to considering outpatient rehab and working the NA/AA program... His mother seems to think that we should manipulate him into seeing a minister that she knows to convince him that he needs to go inpatient for 30 days. Instead of asking him to come with her to talk to someone, she wants to tell him that she needs help with some books to go to a book sale and push him onto this minister.

Today, she screamed at me because when he got a call to go to work (he's a funeral director and on call all of the time) that I should not have let him leave the house since he has only been off the stuff for 2 days. Apparently, I was supposed to call her and she was going to block his car in and tell him that he can't leave.

I'm at a point where I don't know what the right thing to say is, or do. His mother is using this lapse as an excuse to take control, which is something that he resents, and I know that if he is going to bolt, he will do it anyway, but am I wrong for trying to maintain a positive outlook and instead of making a bad situation work, encourage the good steps he is taking, such as going to NA/AA meetings?

Please help...

Sue 20 months ago

ssssive heart attack.

Thanks you for listening and may God bless all the addicts and co-dependent people in the world.

Jon Hansen 20 months ago

Hello Kelly:

Your story is both moving and ultimately liberating.

I would like to invite you to be a guest on my show The PI Window on Business on Blog Talk Radio.

As a means of introducing you to the program, please visit the PI Window on Business Blog (type in PI Window on Business in any search engine and we will be the first to come up).

I would also like to reprint your post in the blog, which will be picked-up by our syndicated network which collectively reaches more than 1.2 million people worldwide each month.

I look forward to your feedback.

Jon Hansen

Host, PI Window on Business Show

Gwen H 19 months ago

Married to an addict for 30 yrs.

I depend on my faith to get me through. God has protected me and my boy's from this addiction. My boy's have been prayed over and the generational curse has been broken. Praise God!! I have a great job and lots of friends who know the story. Yes my husband is alive barely, but I will not support him in anyway with his addictions, it is all in God's hands.

I pray that each of you will find your peace in God & seek his protection with all your heart, there is hope.

Amanda 19 months ago

Addiction is a 'disease'. Once an addict, always an addict. For instince, if you smoke cigerettes, then quit, 10 years later you can still have a craving for a cigerette. Once you are addicted, you always will be.

My story is about my brother. He is a 21 year old with a herion addiction. My parents are aware, and they keep enabling him. He is their baby. They have always treated him like such especially since we found out about his heart condition, which was treated when he was 12. He had WPW Syndrome (Wolf-Parkinson-White).

He always denying his addiction. But he had admitted to snorting coke and herion. Even when we found herion wrappers in his room, he claimed their were his friends. He is always lying, trying to make himself look good and innocent. My parents believe him, always saying 'were giving him the benefit of the doubt', which to me means they want to ignore the fact. Then they blame themselves on what went wrong.

I hate it, he is making everyone miserable. And they do not want to confront him, because of his anger issues.

And just recently, he was caught out by some under-cover police. The entire time he stated he was there for marijuana, when his friend was picking up herion, which who had a needle ready to shoot up when the police pulled them over.

Story after story, which is all they are, he keeps telling my parents. They do not want to push help on him. They say they can't 'make him' because he is an 'adult'. The kid can not even take a shower regularly, yet hold a job down, so to me that is NOT AN ADULT! And if he is living in their house, they have the RIGHT to MAKE HIM do whatever they want or else kick him out. But no, they do not want to kick him out onto the street.

For god sake, how can you make someone stop enabling someone with an addiction! I know they care and love him, but he is not their little boy anymore, hell with an addiction, he is not my brother anymore either.

I need help, to help him, without pissing my parents off. Before he ends up in jail or better yet, dead! With his previous heart condition, a heart attack will be close in his future :(

mdscoggins 18 months ago

I am a drug counselor and it is tough for all parties involved, just remember he probably chose you because you did not know the signs to call him out on what he was doing. One addict knows another addicts actions.. Luckily for you this is a lesson learned unfortunately it took so much from you. Counseling for yourself would be a good option to rid you of those negative feelings because he will most likely never be able to give you answers. I do like what you said at the bottom of your hub in that the kids and families suffer to and do not allow your children to go through that mess.

Beth Dunlap 18 months ago

Kelly, I didn't realize you had posted this and received so many comments. I know you went through a hard time. We are women who are loving, productive and independent. We think we can fix whatever is wrong in someone else by love, and caring. It takes a lot to realize that it is our of our power. I lost the father of my children because of drugs. He quit us. He thinks I have forgotten, so he won't admit it, and I won't go into it here. Now he has Hepatitus C. due to the drugs. Trust is impossible when someone is on drugs, even though you may both actually love each other.

Katherine 17 months ago

I had my husband of 18 years leave because he wouldn't get off the drugs. Three years went by and there was a restraining order and I thought I was over him. I got a call and he was in a coma in the hospital. I went there thinking I would only be there to support my 3 children. He had a severe brain injury. He had probably 100 staples in his head. He was on deaths door, then he woke up and I was there everyday and when it was time to discharge him I told him he needed to go to drug rehab. I was going to pay for all of it. He begged me to come home. I said no. It killed me because I have never stopped loving him. A week later he used drugs again, and the bleed started again. This time he never woke up. Knowing that he was risking his life still was willing to do drugs.I took care of him and tried to help him and loved him and he chose the drugs. While I was at his side I whispered in his ear, I love you, I never stopped loving you. A few days later with me at his side he died.

terry 17 months ago

I have been reading all the different stories and I can't believe how many sound like my life.

I have been married for 20 years and my husband has been using through out the marriage. I found myself in denial for so many years but now I just ready to explode. I have 3 children with him. One is out of the house but 2 are still living at home, 7&14. He has not been a great father nor husband for years. He has been on suboxone for over a year, showing that he is trying but have found straws, razors, empty pens in different places. He failed his urine test at the doctor about 3 months ago and I laid everything out on the line. Clean yourself up or get out. Well, he has failed it again and I am besides myself. He has figured out the system with doing meth and suboxone and how many days he needs to be clean until test day but this time he failed. He is like living with a roller coaster. He is either cleaning the garage, house, yard and really accomplishing nothing or he is sleeping and in a horrible angry mood and he lies all the time. I have been a stay at home mom for all these years and I just don't know what to do. With out his income I have nothing. I am drained and just don't have any more to give. Now of course he is sorry and is going to clean up inside myself I'm just asking when is going to be the next time? I already have no faith in his sobriety. I constantly have headaches and just unhappy with myself for putting up with this. ANY ADVICE

Mighty Mom 17 months ago

Hi,

There was a link to this hub on one I just read about 10 steps to getting sober. As I read line by line of your story I just knew where it was going to lead. I am glad you did have some days of happiness with this man and I'm glad you figured out that fixing him is not within your power. Al-Anon isn't for everyone, but it sure beats living as a 24-7 babysitter to an active (and lying!) addict.

You have a lot of courage (especially to post the beautiful pic from your wedding and then the "after" pic of your man).

Thank you for this very honest and helpful hub.

All the best to you, MM

RethinkRehab 15 months ago

Based on my experience with an addict, it is so crucial to understand how the addicted individual's mind works and how they make decisions - a newer approach to this is for family members of addicted individuals to go through a treatment center themselves, this will provide them with the tools that will help them help the addicted and manage their lives... what do you think of this concept?

An example of this type of rehab facility can be found at www.ahomeaway.org

Ally 14 months ago

Wow reading all these stories brings tears to my eyes. When I met my current partner 5 years ago he told me that he had been using crack in the past but stopped on his own and had been clean for over a year. I asked if this would be a problem as I had zero experience with drugs and I was reassured that he had no desire to "go back there". Once we had been together a few months I also realized that he had a problem with alcohol. This problem progressed over the time that we have been together and I know now that he is definitely an alcoholic. At the beginning of this year he lost his job, a very good job. He had been on sick leave (for depression and PTSD) and when he returned they fired him.Yes, he has a lawsuit filed. However, after being fired he started using crack again. He had been using for about 4 months before I even knew. He is a master manipulator and liar. I found out when he started disappearing for hours on end. It is not uncommon for him to be gone for 12-14 hours with no phone calls etc. Once I found out of course I told him that it had to stop. And he agreed. And of course stupidly I believed him. For the past 6 months he has been relapsing, relapsing and relapsing again. He tells me that relapsing is part of the whole recovery thing. Every time he relapses he is devestated. He promises me the world. He attends meetings more regularly. Then he relapses again. His longest time clean has been 7 weeks...the shortest..maybe two days. He has however stopped drinking .... so I guess there is progress???? He attends meetings regularly but in my opinion is just taking up space. He has all the tools but can not consistently use them...or chooses not too. We go for counselling together and I really believe he wants to get healthy but then that addiction comes into play again. Last time he pulled an all nighter he decided that I would hold on to all his bank cards for him so that he couldnt access money. Sounds good right? Except for the fact he went to the bank and said he didnt have his bank card and they let him take money out anyway...which he then carried around in his sock for a few days until he used again. Sorry but....wth??? Anyway, I sit here scared and worried and hopeless. I love this man. He is caring and wonderful and we could have a wonderful life together. I have told him that I can't live this way anymore...and he agrees and wants to be better. But I am so scared that this addiction is bigger than what he thinks he can handle...or if he is just telling me what I want to hear.

anyway...thanks everyone else for sharing.

M 14 months ago

Thank you, thank you! I have been with my boyfriend now for 1.5 years and I had no idea how popular pills are! Have I really been living under a rock??? I have always been successful, happy and loving life until recently. I am single mom raising 2 girls, one is 10 and the other is 16. They are terrific girls and I am so fortunate to have them in my life...UNTIL my youngest told me this morning that my boyfriend picked her up from school yesterday and took her to one of his pill friends to buy pills. The guy is unemployed, begs me for gas money everyday and of course I give it to him. (No tellin how he gets his pills, scared to find out) My girls do not like him as he is moody or asleep all of the time cause of the pills.

I did not know about this when he moved in. I knew that he did pills, but not to this extent. He confided in me once he was in that he has been in rehab twice. When we met, he was clean, a major gym rat and frankly so hot! I had lotsa of fun with him. Now, he rarley takes a shower, does not work out, complains all of the time about everything. The only time he is happy and nice is if he is high and that depends on what pill he took. If he takes his xanax that he gets prescribed, he is drooling and falling asleep in his food, etc. If it is some other pills that he is taking (which I do not know all that he takes) he is in the good mood and tolerable. I would have never allowed him to move in. He hid the degree of his habits for over a year with me as he moved in only about 6 months ago.

By reading your stories, I have realized that I am not crazy and the amount of pain and sadness I have had for the last 6 months was been unmeasurable but too common for others as well. I am so sick of crying in the shower and in front of him only for him to tell me I am way too sensitive. I am not alone! I agree with one of the statements above, we are not strangers, we have a common bond.

So, now, I am faced with loving someone and setting them free and myself free as well. Man, this sucks, but it is what I must do. Prayers are welcome and thank you for all of your stories. This is the first time I have ever written anything on a site, it actually feels great to get this off my chest.

Nina 14 months ago

Thank you for posting your story. It is kind similar to what I've been going through...kinda.

I have been with my fiancée for 6 years.. This Friday, december 17, and he has drank since before I've known him. He got a DUI in 2005 and at that time he told the state he was taking prescription drugs so the put him on methadone. Methadone is worse then the drugs he could have been taking before. But he never informed me that he was taking that drug but I did see that he was drinking a lot more then before. Fast forward to December 2007, our daughter is born and life is great. One day I was cleaning and I found a bottle that had his name on it that said methadone. I had never heard of it so I jumped online and found out it was for her ion addicts. This really freaked me out so I called him and told him I found it. He responded like it wasn't a big deal which really upset me. We talked... He cried... I forgave and that was it, we didn't talk about it again for a long time. All of 2008 we worked hard yo get a house and we were able to have a house built and we moved in in 2009. Now in march of 2010, I found out that I was pregnant. Everything in our relationship was prefect. We are young, we have a beautiful daughter, brand new home, 2 brand new cars. We both have great jobs and we are really happy...except for every single day for the past 3-4 years he was drinking a crazy amount of hard liquor(on top of the methadone). Fast forward to November 25,2010.. Our son is born. The only son to carry on his family name. 4 days later he's throwing up blood and we take him to urgent care... They transfer him to ER.... ER transfers him downtown at 2am Tuesday morning (without telling me. I had to get my newborn son home late monday night) so I wake up Tuesday with no text or call from him so I'm freaking out. I finally find a nurse on the other line that's telling me my fiancée can't talk cause he's on a respirator and he has Acute pancreatitis( look it up, it's very serious) I find someone to watch my 2 year old and now my 5 day old babies so I can go across town to the hospital. When I get there... I see him... Bloated, 4 nurses racing around. Stats dropping. 15 different bags of fluids pumping into him. He was "Clinically Dead" when he came in that morning. I look up what was causing all of this and it was all the drinking... Pancreatitis main cause is alcohol. He's 29 years old and was on life support. And when you have the charge nurse come up to you in tears... You know it's bad. I spent that whole night at the hospital, and most of the nurses just kept looking at me like "poor thing, she just had a baby" every single day I go to the hospital and by the grace and mercy of God, he has gotten better and was transferred out of ICU to physical therapy today (12-15-2010, which is our daughters 3rd birthday). BUT since he was out of it for the last 2 weeks( with detoxing under sedation) he is now angry everyone knows about his double life and he still hasn't taken responsibility for what he has done and put us through. I love him so much and we have this whole life ahead of us but if he comes home with this same attitude I don't know how to continue living with him. I've given him so many years of pain that I don't want my children to remember and know a father like this. I'm 27 years old, 2kids and an addict for the love of my life. What do I do? He really is the best guy I know, even the best person. He's sweet and thoughtful, never hurtful or violent but his additions are messing up our lives.

I just wanted to share this with others because I always thought," he's gonna lose his liver when he's old" but I never knew that something like this could happen. If you are living with an alcoholic please inform them that, illness doesn't care how old you are, what race, or lifestyle you think you live or if you have a brand new baby at home, alcohol will kill you... It's not ok, it's not fair to the ones that love you... It's suicide and suicide is selfish...

J 13 months ago

I am going through something similar but with my father. I would really appriciate someone to talk to. Please e-mail me. janc8591@hotmail.com

Janine 12 months ago

Been going through a similar situation to you all. Prayers are with you. Its a roller coaster and more. Sadly our son has put us through all of the above for many many years now. He has been doing ok, and back home as no where else to go. He is an adult now in his 30's. We love him and believe him one more time. Unfortunately tonight he has involved us again in his life, and now he has gone to live else where, I dont know if he will make it, but I want too, so its down to that now. I want to stay strong and look after ourselves now. We love him of course, but will not be going down that road anymore. We hope and pray he makes it.

anna 12 months ago

I know what you are going through my husband of two years relapsed and is addicted to crack. He's stole money he's left and not came home he has lost his job truck and family over this. I have children with him and I can't put them through this I left him. He was lying from the start he has been always using. He called escorts and watches porn all the time. He will use until he's in debt. He lies non sttop. Hes a good liar. He always, ade me believe I was the crazy one. Don't put up with it if they wont help themselves. U will go nuts.

anna 12 months ago

I know what you are going through my husband of two years relapsed and is addicted to crack. He's stole money he's left and not came home he has lost his job truck and family over this. I have children with him and I can't put them through this I left him. He was lying from the start he has been always using. He called escorts and watches porn all the time. He will use until he's in debt. He lies non sttop. Hes a good liar. He always, ade me believe I was the crazy one. Don't put up with it if they wont help themselves. U will go nuts.

sarah 12 months ago

thank you for your story and all the other comments. i put my 5yr old daughter to bed tonight after she stood by the window for almost an hour waiting for her father to come home..and i know now that i am through. thank you for your strength. my husband of 10 yrs has been an addict for so long, and some how i thought love could fix him. i have been through it all, just like you but my love for my daughter will not allow me to put her through this and to destroy myself. i have been so stressed and depressed that it has taken a physical toll on me too. but your story has helped me, knowing i am not alone.

tonzofkids 12 months ago

Thank you for telling your story. I cried through most of it. I'm trying to get out right now. You are so lucky you didn't have any children. Read my hubs and you'll know my story. http://hubpages.com/profile/tonzofkids

anna 12 months ago

Yeah I have read ur story over and over because it makes me feel relief knowing im not alone as well. And I might add that relapse is always a part of recovery. And for all of u women and men who have been hurt from someones drug use and don't know what to do..you have to think of if u can live with another day of the disappearing the toll it takes on each of you...the money loss.. lack of sleep... children hurting...lies...seeing them in that state..all the pain.. because its easy for an addict to say they will get helpand do it. But its alot harder to continue down the right path . I know because I have forgave him over and over and heard the same lines how he will change. I get so happy to year it every time too,so I take him back once agin. When really im just setting myself up for more heartache. I say if they have relapsed three plus times they mostlikely aren't going to change.

ole Doc Cris 12 months ago

PRAYING for the Grace to do HIS WILL,

and watching STEVE WILKOS and Judge TOLER regularly on TV has Empowered me and if there is ANYTHING I can do for any of Y'all, pl do not hesitate to email me at

ptsdcure@hotmail.com

KGTB 12 months ago

Reading everyones stories made me cry, i know exactly how most of you are feeling and can relate to so much reguarding an addicts behaviour and what you go through being a partner to an addict. I have been with my partner for 3 years, untill recently when we split when he turned up at my birthday meal slurring, falling asleep and looking like death. He said he was just tired! He is a herion addict, or recovering heroin addict as he likes to call it, along with more or less any other drug he can get his hands on. He lies, steals, walks out, shouts, goes missing all of what everyone on here has explained really. He still tells me he loves me though and wants me back but i know thats because i do his washing, ironing, feed him, clothe him etc etc. Thats what hurts the most, 3 years ive put my life and soul into this relationship and done things to "help" him i never thought id do and i feel awful. I love him but dont want too, i feel used more then anything i have a good job a nice home and have loved him more then anyone in my life, i dont understand how something that he will openly admit only ends up causing him misery can be more important to him? I sympathise with everyones stories on here as i know the feeling very well that comes with loving an addict and i wouldnt wish it on anybody its heart renching and my thoughts are with you all, maybe i pray one day they will wake up and smell the coffee.......maybe. xx

anna 12 months ago

KG- when you are dealing with an addict they will choose drugs over the people closest to them and the ones that help them the most. That's who addicts hurt the most too. Its ok to be there for an addict because they need someone there to count on them and give them hope. But if they continue to hurt the people they love by relapsing..then its time to let them go. If they don't want to help themselves they wont get better. Or until they hit rock bottom and have nothins or die. So never give an addict cash. It will most likely be spent on drugs. Let them have nothing even though it will be hard to cut someone off of everything. Ccause the love u have for them is so strong..

anna 12 months ago

At least u can see the warning signs of an addict now kelly. You knw the lies, and what they do to try to fool you. Glad to hear your life is going great. Everyones life can turn great if they do the right things.

confused2011 12 months ago

I have read each persons comments before i write my own.

I am sadened at the amount pain drugs cause. I got in the habit of thinking its only me, my problem. I have been married to my husband for 17 yrs, with 4 children, all of which he has been a addict of one thing or another. I was unaware before we married of his bipolar issues, they dont help matters. He started with weed and beer, moved to speed, and now lots of pain killers. As of right now the police have asked him to leave because our oldest son called 911 after a pill induced rampage.

This speaks volumes to me!! My son called the police!!

All along i have tried to protect my children by staying, knowing i would be in control of their time with their dad, and now i see that i have believed all the lies, even my own!! I know he will not change ever!!

God has blessed me with a new job, i know god can support me and my kids, and so im moving forward. The police said my children can be taken by dhs, what a terrible mother i feel like!! To hear so many stories is very encouring.. I will keep you in my prayers..

daughter 12 months ago

So it has been very encouraging to read all the comments written here and I can definitely relate to your feelings of anger and helplessness. It is not my spouse but my parents who are the addicts, my mother specifically. Despite my attempts to offer her a life of Christianity and a drug/alcohol free environment, she responds only in childish cruelty and selfishness. I am so tired of it all. Due to the issues, I left home at 15 and made a life for myself, with the help of God, with good friends and loving and caring people who know how to both give and receive. Last year my mother and I decided to live together again after 7 years of not. Worst decision ever! Though she made comments about good intentions, she is still very much an addict with her lies and empty promises.

I hate it because I so desperately want her to be a mother to me, even though I am an adult now. I want to be able to have an adult conversation with her! She refuses.... or can't maybe. I'm not sure. I can never seem to shake the hurt, always hoping that one day she will show me love, will speak truthfully to me, or even just one time, she would actually mean it when she says the empty words "I love you." I know those words have meaning, but not from her. I wanted to post and ask the addicts and/or mothers on here to give their children a chance and to remove them from the situation. It kills us. We look to you for love and answers and disappearing for days at a time, crying, drooling and yelling are not the responses we want. Please please get your kids away from them. They will never be able to properly show your child the love they need and want, only what is left over after their love for their addiction and themselves. Instead of compassion, as a spouse or mother may feel, we feel resentment, or worse yet, many daughters and sons blame themselves, even if that rationale is totally irrational.

I am choosing to live a life away from my Mom now and have asked her live elsewhere. She is moving out as I write this. I am not giving up on her but going down with her benefits no one. I hope that each one of you also has the courage to do the same. You are not giving up, you are simply giving them and you a chance to grow. If they choose not to take it- ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. Only if you choose not to take that time to grow yourself can you choose to take the blame.

debwats 12 months ago

WOW...you are brave to share your story. Thank you. My husband of 21 years is an addict to cigs, porn and light drinking.....I can always tell when porn is a problem because he starts drinking again...they go hand in hand...I had to decide if I could still love him or not...I have given him chances over and over again throughout the years...I totally hear what you're saying...you can't lose yourself in the midst of their problems.

janine I.  12 months ago

omgosh. i read the first story at the top of this page. it just reaffirms what i have learned and know i have to do w my 18 year old daughter who is an addict/alcoholic....whatever. omgosh, the lies, keeping things from u, stealing money, letting them back in the house, trying to help them, our daughter went to a really good adolescent treatment center right b4 she turned 18, I Learned So Much!!! jamie did too, and so did my husband. jamie opted to not put her new knowledge, skills, coping techniques into play, and is basically back at about square 2. she also has severe ADHD, we hav adopted her, both her birthparents hav strong addict backgrounds, jamie is a binge drinker, got into some K2 over Christmas. the sneaking around, the dodging u, having ppl cover for her so i wouldn't see....finally this past week-end i realized jus as i had when we took her to treatment, i had no more answers, i had no way of helping her anymore, she is sick, she has other mental health issues, and behavior problems, so she is not welcome into our home right now. oh, man, this has been horrible, i luv her sooo much, good kid, but has struggled all her life in school, w friends, basically w life. when she was younger i helped her alot, but as she has gotten older, she has avoided or point-blank told me that she didn't want/need my help. i know also i cannot help her. she is now living with her boyfriend, is expecting a baby in september, does have a job, so that is good, but she is so damn miserable, i can c right thru her. God, pls put ur hands on jamie's head and help guide her thru her upcoming experiences she is going to hav in life!!!! Amen

Auntie C 11 months ago

The song says it well! Because I've been there, I wish I could have saved you, Kelly, from the pain, but I am so proud of how you've taken control of your life.

My ex, JB, was sober when I met him, and stayed that way for a couple of years after we married. It was idyllic. During that time we literally agreed on everything and never argued. He was my best friend and the love and passion in our relationship was beyond any I have ever known before or since. Then it started.

We were married for ten years, but only lived together for a total of about seven. JB was one of those who would clean up and stay clean for a little while . . . until the stress (or whatever) set him off again. His drugs of choice were Methamphetamine and Xanax. One of the effects of Meth is hypersexuality. So every time he went back to it, he started fooling around. He actually moved in with other women a couple of times, and actually told me once that he had fallen in love with someone else. But he always came home to me eventually, begging me to forgive him. And, fool that I was, I took him back more times than I can remember. Then he got this great job, working for a guy who was so good to JB. He actually took JB's truck one day and put new tires on it. JB returned the favor by having an affair with his boss's wife. He came close to getting killed that time. When he came home, I told him to leave.

He hid out for a little while, but eventually moved in with his mother in another state and was able to clean up again. A few months later, with incredible timing (I had just lost my job) he called me to say he'd been offered a job in another state and wanted me to go with him. We moved and had a year or so of bliss. But, as usual, it didn't last.

Some other effects of the meth were that JB also became addicted to porn and his emotional swings (he had been diagnosed as manic-depressive and took meds for it.) became much worse. Because he wasn't under control, he was even given to episodes of spontaneous violence. If there was something in his hand it flew. I cannot tell you how many phones that man broke, as well as whatever the phone hit. He never actually struck me, but sometimes he threw something large enough to make me fall back, injuring myself. He threw cigarettes at me, burning me, and once threw a banana hard enough to leave a bruise. He once lifted the mattress off the bed and threw it across the room. I was on it at the time.

As for me, during this time I gained 70 lbs., went on antidepressants, blood pressure meds, became prone to anxiety attacks and was forced into bankruptcy. Finally, after I actually helped him pass a drug test at work, I realized I was defeating and destroying myself. I became resigned to the fact that he was who he was and if I continued the way I was it would kill both of us. I told him I would never do that again. He cleaned up one more time and was good for a few months. Then I came home one day after work and found a vial of Meth right out in the open in the living room. I just shook my head and went to pack his clothes. There was no pain anymore, only the regrets for wasting so much of my life on a hopeless cause.

We’ve been divorced for seven years now and I'm told he's had a string of girlfriends and another wife since then. (Did I mention that I was his third wife?) He tried to get me back a couple of times, but I refused. And I understand I'm not the only exwife he's tried this with. Even though I still do, and always will, have some remnant of love for him, we seldom talk anymore. His kids, who I helped to raise and love dearly, are grown and two of the three have experienced substance abuse problems or been involved with someone who did. Although I have one grandchild, none of them have married. Only the oldest, scared straight after being charged for dealing pot as a juvenile almost 15 years ago, has escaped the curse.

This story is poignant: Once upon a time there was a frog sitting next to a stream. Along came a scorpion who asked the frog for a ride across the river. The frog said, “No, you would sting me and I would die.” The scorpion said, “No, I promise I won’t sting you, because then I would drown.” The frog considered and thought this was logical, so he told the scorpion to get on his back and they set off across the stream. In the middle of the stream the scorpion stung the frog. The frog cried out, “Why did you do that? Now we will both die!” The scorpion said, “I couldn’t help myself . . . I’m a scorpion.”

If I could advise anyone considering entering into a relationship with an addict or ‘former addict’ (there is really no such thing) I would tell them this:

SCORPIONS ARE SCORPIONS! ADDICTS ARE ADDICTS!

THEY CANNOT HELP THEMSELVES AND ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HELP THEM WILL DIE TRYING! SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN WHILE YOU CAN!

I love 1- 2 9 months ago

Hi, I am also in love with an addict. He has chosen drugs over everything else in his life. As a young teen, he used to be a a local baseball star. At 16 he got expelled from school. His dad bought him a guitar to pass the time. He learned to play, joined a band and smoke his first joint he's 47 years old, pot, heroin, meth, acid, cocaine,crack, crank.. Shoot up, puke, shoot up puke. sleep with really nasty people,sleep in the streets for months, and lie, lie, lie. Miss every birthday, holiday, and school function and then says he loves us and his three kids...right. Being an addict always means having to say you're sorry. I'm 51 here's my advice...if he uses TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW!! Your parents, your kids, your best friends, your church folks, your coworkers, your classmates...heck even strangers and tell HIM...call him a junkie and druggie, an addict and a fool. DON'T YOU HIDE FOR HIM!!! NOT ONCE! AND THEN GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Let God deal with him- Let God rescue him - YOU are not God's deputy! Stop rescuing him. Every time God speaks to him and he cries out in desperation - you rescue him THAT IS A HUGE NO!!! He has to waller in his stupidity so he will genuinely WANT to change. As this is happening go to church and find support from God yourself. Get your kids in a good church. They need stability. They need support. They need friends and hope. If that is not enough go to AA or some family counseling.

I feel ya... You are not alone. Stop crying over that idiot and get a life for you and your kids! Will you stop loving him. NO probably not but you need healed yourself.

gnittany 9 months ago

Last September I had to bury my husband of 31 years. I feel he was addicted to drugs and that was his downfall. When we married at the ages of 17 and 18 all I knew was he had past durg problems but he was not doing any outrages drugs anymore. Dating he was very attentive and I was with him almost daily. Then we got married and all of that changed. We were married on a Friday and being young had no money for a honeymoon, so on Saturday the friends arrived and basically never left. His drugs of choice at that time that I knew were pot and speed. I was devastated and being young blamed the friends. I have done some awful things to get rid of them, after they would exit he would be normal for awhile and then find some new ones. This went on for the first 5 years of our marriage. They would arrive and I would go into battle mode. My last straw was at the 5 year mark when because of him locking me out of the house 9 months pregnant with a 2 year old, I almost lost my life and the babies because of deyhdration and was put in the hospital. While there they induced my labor and then he didn't even show up to pick me up on the day we went home. Both times he was out paryting with friends. He finally showed up late that night of course always so sorry and I will never do it again. I would beleive him and that set of friends would exit and I thought it would be over. The next 10 years it all went underground and the lying started. He would deny it until his last breath and I would be going emotionally crazy trying to prove it. The last time I caught him he had been using for about 2 years and I had to tear his dash of his car apart to find the shit. Because unless I had it in my hand he would deny it and say I was causing the maritail problems in not trusting him. He always worked even though I know now that he would use at work he just never was caught. At this point I have 3 children and really not much education to support us all and felt if I was not around his use would esculate to the point he would lose his job and then no child support. I did make him move out and the first time in 15 years I told both families and friends what he had been doing all those years. They had judged me by my outburst but never knew about his drug use because I was so ashamed and scared. He finally agreed to get professional help and I also learned he had been sexually abused as a child and he said this was why he used and had been using since about 12. He had used almost everything except shooting up things until I had met him. So he went into out patient therapy for the abuse and also outpatient rehab. I for gave him through alot of hard work on my part and therapy. Even had a renewal of vows ceromony and told him then if he ever did it again I was out of there. He assured me it would never happen, he did not like using and wanted to make it all up to me. Things went well with us and he even went back to college. At the time of his death he was working on his 2nd masters degree and worked for a well know fortune 500 company. Played golf, had normal friends that I would not even think about using etc etc.

In 2004 our oldest child committed suicide and it was devastating. We started going to a support group and I also went to therpy but he felt he did not need to. 5 month after the death he felt he didn't even need to go to the support group because he didn't want to turn out like those people in the group and be dealing with the grief years later. He also told me he didn't want to discuss it anymore and felt I had major issues about it not him. This to me was abuse and at the end of it I think you will agree. I countinued my therapy and felt like I was dealing with it as well as anyone and the people in my life agreed. Fast forward, in 2009 I started feeling like something was wrong. Behaviors were off, I could only compare the feelings I was having to those from the past. But this time he was more successful and the stoned friends were not around, and I just couldn't see some of the past signs. So I thought he was having a affair. By 20010 my doubts had grown, everything was getting worse. I really didn't think it was drugs and even questioned him about it and thought he would never do that again. So then the abused started in full swing, I was the one with the problem, I had not got over the death of my child, I had not forgiven him of the past etc etc. I thouhgt I was going crazy trying to defend myself, my family thought I was wrong because looked at what he accomplished, my other 2 children kept reassuring me and playing along. I was in hell. In May of last year he kicked me out of the house and things just kept spiraling down. By the end of May he was telling me he was so sorry, he wanted to go to therapy together and that he saw were he was neglecting me. I moved back home. We went to therapy and again he started with it was all my problems with past issues. I know I might have looked like I was the problem because he would have me so worked up in defending myself that I am sure his calm demeanor looked normal. But he was still doing some odd things at home and by now I felt like the past, until I caught he would continue to deny, but I still felt it was a woman most likly. Now this was also causing problems with the children and they seemed to me to be acting strangly to. They both are adults, one in college, one graduated but looking for a job. They both had become very disrespectful to me and semed to be very hostile to my situation. He was on a trip to china for 2 week after the first of August. During this time I found out and caught my daughters had hacked into my aol account and facebbok. They were taking things I had said to family and friends out of context and were emailing lies to there father in china. We had limited phone contact and also were emailing most of the time. He I feel mistakenly, attached a email to me with a communication to them on it and that is how I found it out. I was livid to say the least with all of them. He returned to the states on Aug 20th and the battles began. On Sunday the 22nd after a almost physical fight with my oldest daughter, she blurted out the secret. He had been using for years and had been using my children and their friends to get his drugs. I looked at him and just asked if this was true and he did not answer just got up and left the room. I questioned my daughters over the next hour or so. He would have them deal with the dealers and even go and get his drugs and they would leave them hidden around the house. He had my daughter going into the bad parts of town, he was calling them sometimes up to 5 or 6 times a day to get his score. In 2009 my daughter quit getting it for him after a bad experience, but then set him up with all the dealers so he could get it himself. While she was getting it she said it was only pot, burt that he had been using at work and at home all the time. And had some sort of drug paraphnella that kept down the smell and would only use it outside or he would go on normal errends etc. He continued to drink on ocassional and now in hindsight there were times I felt he was high but he would say he just had to many beers. Well I went to confront him and found him passed out and uncouncious. I called a ambulance and he went to the hospital for a overdose of my anxety meds. He was then sent to a physc ward and was released after 24 hours even after me telling them this story. He had even convicined my daughters he had to use drugs to be around ME, they thought pot was alright and denied his addictions to theirselves. I was definetly in hell. I tryed to get him help but also look out formyself. I didn't pack my bags and leave him in that state but I also was not that forgiving fool. We both were still seeing the therapist seperatly and she had been fooled too. He was put on some meds for depression and was told to go to out patient rehab if he felt it was a problem. I felt like I was going crazy. He returned to work and we put up all the things and meds in the house that he might use to hurt himself. He o

Tomieka Lindsey 8 months ago

All of our stories are diffrent but the same.Many of us continue to speak about the addict.What about ourseves.CoDependency is killing us slowly.Were so caught up in loving someone else. That our needs are unmet.Addicts have a GOD just like us weather they use him it's up to them. If you love someone you will definetly set them free.As much as it hurts we have no control over anything but ourselves.This thing is easily said then done.You did'nt cause it,cant control it,can't cure it.

When your tired you will surrender it's called letting go and Letting God.We have to remove ourselves out the way in order for him to work with us.Some get it,Some Don't, those incapable will die in there madness. This goes for addicts and co-dependents.I suggest Alanon programs and Therapy.Ask God to grant you the serenity to accept the things you can't change.Courage to change the things you can and wisdom to know the diffrence.Best of Luck

kaza 8 months ago

I have found this page whilst looking for some research into the effects addictions have on an addicts family. Please may i say a huge thank you to all these very brave people who have shared their story. I feel so much sadness for each and everyone of you for the suffering you have daily from living with an addict. I hope that you will all find the strength to get help for yourselves through support groups and stop enabling the addict, no one deserves to suffer. god bless to you all

sick of it 7 months ago

ok ok ive read a lot of these stories. and you all are very nice people i must say. and worded your stories perfectly. ive been down same road with my man going on 4and half years.I could kick myself in the ass for stayng this long.he is still lieing and using and hasnt gone to rehab 3 ods. put me threw hell. yea i woke up amd said same thing the other lady said . did i imagine a guy in the begining i thought was everything . well my answer is this : yes i did i was mainipulated from day 1. just didnt no it. im pisst about it. i gotta kid with a dam liar who takes my money gives me stress gave me tickets debts lost my car in drug area stolen depression .showd me a world my mother warned me about. and im sure all your mothers warned u about to. dont be in denial like them. you know u are being abused addiction is abuse. Wake up it took me 4 half years to wake up. now im pisst im awake my life has gone by. where would i be if i wasnt helping him and i was helpin myself. i dont feel sorry for no addict. they no where and how to find a bag on the street as scary as rhat is. but u think they cant find help. bull! women stop crying and being there mommys.i may seem mean compare to all of u. but im sick of it! i have taken back my life and i live with him still. which that is a mistake.but at least im in motion for a change. i have consistant rules and if they are not followed i call the police. when he is done leaving with police or sleeping outside then maybe he will go to get help . i come first now. not him. let him check my breathing to see if im alive ...fat chance he could care less. you will never be first in a drug addicts eyes drugs are first.If u want to drive yourself in sane keep believing a drug addict. you will end up on drugs call anti depressants. im done i dont love him anymore ive been threw hell . the girls that were left by druggies you are lucky. now u have a real chance for a real relationship. im going o leave when i get my life back together. he will be the dad that lives in the motel down the street. that sux! wake up its there problem stop being a part of a world u dont belong in. you will lose yourself like i did. put your foot down and say no more. get them out every time they break the rules. you wll feel empowered and have time to think about the way life is really supposed to be lived . not the way they have tricked you into thinking it should be. sorry if ive offended anyone. but u will become hard. like me. please be strong for yourself. go with them one day see where they cop see how they use . then u will think again ....it is disgusting!you and your kids are last dammit!how can u love a man who treats u this way. these are my feelngs.

stand by your man i di it got me no where. stand by your kids and yourself put his ass out in the street where he wants to be. if he dies it was his own fault . he already knows he will die before he uses ladies. he dont care drugs mean mire than his health or whatever annyone thinks of him. i gotta go now ......this is raising my blood pressure i gotta think about me...

Heather 7 months ago

I am also, like all of you in love with an addict. The first few years of our relationship he was an honest hard working man then after an accident and surgery at work fell into the pain killer trap. it spiraled out of control until in less than a year he was shooting up about 300 dollars of oxy a day. the sad part is I was pregnant, it was to late when I finally figured it out and he shot up in the bathroom of the birthing room and then left and told his friends our baby had died in order to borrow money to get dope. Of course there are many other sad stories I could tell but I had gotten a personal protection order because he had become violent and after two and a half years....I still love him..he is the person I want to be with...he has been through rehab and clean for almost a year, we in the last couple weeks have started talking again because he now wants to have a relationship with our now three year old son. All of the feeling are still there..I am scared but I am also more scared of living my life with out him..I don't know what to do, it could go either way, he could stay clean and we could enjoy the rest of our lives together or he could relapse and I am right back in hell.

Mark Young 6 months ago

Hey, Kelly, it's amazing how God continues to use you.

Minnie77 5 months ago

My husband is addicted to pot and has been since we got together 11 years ago. Before we met he was in a treatment center for alcoholism and is a recovering alcoholic. It is so hard to communicate with him because he is stoned all the time. I said to him awhile back he had to choose drugs or me he told me if u make me choose it won`t be you i choose. This was devastating for me. I just don`t know what to do anymore.

nikki 5 months ago

my partner is an alcholic cocaine chronic addict.

I grew up with this person as friends, i knew he had a problem when we got together but was so innocent to what an addict is all about,

when we 1st got together he did stop, his family could not beleive how he had done this and the change in him..

i beleive now he stopped to suck me in as he didnt want to lose me as no one had given him the time of day before me as i am soft touch a loving person.but now he has me exactly where he wants me and that person has gone hes an evil person.

he is very ill as a result from his drug taking and drinking he is going to die infact he nearly has died before, he has no pancreas left in his stomach due to alchol abuse. as i said earlier he stopped for the first year and was in an AA fellowship which he did very well as an addict is all or nothing. what happens with an addict is they are sick they take one drink and once they have one this may not stop for the next year. in the mean time all sorts happen. he would tell me hes going to work or to his dads and he wasnt there he dissapear for 3 days and come back like its 3 hours hes violent and mind games and blames me and threatens to kill himself as desperate measures to respond, he tells me hes having a breakdown, then one day it occured to me this is lies if he was havign a breakdown he would be on a hospital ward not having the sense to manipulate me or lie about a breakdown.... or when hes in the hospital for me to go pick him up so that he can come back to MY home and recover and be a good boy until the next time....well i am a strong person once pushed and i am going to break this pattern that will always happen as long as i allow it to happen. alanon has helped me its a life line and its about me not him him him......he has his own journey and his own life i should mind my own business and let him have that life of drug taking and drinking if that is what he wants to do.. addiction comes before anyone and anything and always will until that bond is broken, if nothing is lost and someone is always there putting a cushion under them they think this behaviour is acceptable and they have no consequences to there drinking and taking drugs which tells them this is ok to do so. they are living a slow death if it were that good i would be doing it too. they need to hit a rock bottom to ever think about changing if they dont hit bottom they will die or end up in a mental institution this could take 5 to 10 years to get to this point so im not hanging around for a lifetime of misery im getting out in the hope he will hit rock bottom as i love him very much i am broken i am lost i cry all the time.. but he very sick and even if he decided within himself that he wanted recovery he is still sick and has a very long road ahead of him for his thinking and world to change and he is not fit to be in any kind of relationship until being clean for at least a year or two.. and any addict who goes into recovery because they have promised a partner or a family member very rarely suceeds they relapes time and time again and this pattern will continue until the cycle is broken... i have an ex addict friend who has been clean for 10 years and he wanted this for himself he was a desperate drowning man, a drug addict will walk heaven and earth for the next hit so let them act the same to seek help, he can now go to a nightclub he can go to a bar and he is not obssessed with drink and drugs he sees it as a poison that will kill him, he sees it a normal person sees bleach would u drink it knowing what will happen to him if he did....this is the action of someone who now has love peace and serenity...

it takes action not words, nothing changes if nothing changes and u need to salvage your life in the hope that the addict will salvage there own. either way the choice is made by u and them. they will take u down with them they are not your responsibilty...love over shadows this. look at FACTS

nikki 5 months ago

Hi Kelly ann, sorry i forgot to say where i was so frustrated and upset when i wrote my post xx

i hope you are well be strong and godbless xx

Nikki 5 months ago

Hi, i still dont know where my partner is, but i am taking each day as it comes and every week is getting easier, I have so many good friends and family who arnt judgemental and also attend alanon, i know he is sick and ill and is not having a great time, but i have come to beleive that he is in Gods hands and i am powerless, He may die from this stuff. until he wants change then nothing will ever change.

i need to move on, as i become obsessed with his movements, and people tell me what hes doing and if hes still drinking and hes still useing drugs everyday although he text me daily telling me how much he still loves and misses me so bad and that he doesnt want anything from me and that he just wants s normal life and a future with me and no one else and that he will work his ass off to our future...i ignore all contact now and do not respond. this is the only hope and then if he can get a good 6 months or a year clean and sober then i would consider, but this could always happen again and again unless he does it for him not me... i feel i could never have a home or future as if he relapsed i would lose home,

i had 2 years of madness with this man, a few clean months but still argue when dry, this aint love its a codependancy on both parts, ask god to come into my life and move onto better things.. he is selfish to the core and only cares for himself he is an addict period and all self inflicted..he know what is needed to get clean as he has been in a fellowship before, so it takes action not words of love to me... i will take some time to heal now and see what happens i have a lovely home and a job which he is not taking me down with him ..if he doesnt make the right choices i will find some real love elsewhere. i have weird feelings and i greive as if if he is dead and hear messages in my head from him that hes gonna come back and get me and then anger that hes choose addiction over me and left me alone ...times a healer. godbless u all x

Just confused.......... 4 months ago

Married for 17 yrs....he drank when we got married...thought he would "grow up?" Not! 2 kids/boys later 17 and 13 now, he quit the drinking only to turn to pills, percocet,xanax somas,ambien and loracet. Over the years he has abused me,verbally, mentally, pulled a gun on me christmas morning 5 yrs ago, and shoved me in front of our kids. He LIES all of the time, his cousin sells him pills, I've even begged her to stop selling them to him! I search the house looking for them when i think he is acting weird. I finally left him for 2 weeks the begining of this year but he promised to get help and i came back. 4 months ago he took 15 ambien and ended up in the er and was sent to anchor hospital for a week. That seemed to help him for about a month but slowly i see the old person returning. they diagnosed him with major depression and have him on prozac. I keep seeing his cousins phone number on our cell bill and when i question him he blows up and says "really?" your doing that...when i already asked him if he has talked to her and he says no!He blows up and leaves. I dont believe ANYTHING he tells me. I am now on depression meds and xaxax for panic attacks! I am driving myself nuts? Maybe I am over reactiong? Am I the one thats crazy here?

Beth 4 months ago

My boyfriend and I went to high school together but didn't end up together until we were in our late 20's. We would drink together but that's it. Or so I thought. I knew he had a past with drugs. He was an addict of pretty much whatever he could get his hands on for awhile and then quit cold turkey with no follow up help. He has been in and out of jail over the past 15 years. Things were really great for awhile then he started using painkillers. Not just Vicodin and Xanax but also stuff like morphine patches. I was working 2 jobs at the time (He hadn't been able to hold down a job in a year and a half but promised that he was looking.)He was lying and stealing to get money for more. We found out that I was pregnant and it got better again... for a few months before they completely fell apart. He got a DUI (wrecked MY car), and then he got arrested for stealing 4 months before our son, our first child, was due. He has been in jail for 8 months now, has never met his 4 month old son, and he says it is the best thing that has ever happened to him. He says he wouldn't have changed a thing because he never had to. With this last arrest, he thought he lost everything. His family, friends, baby... everything. He hit bottom.

He seems to have changed so drastically in the past 8 months. It's no longer everybody else's fault. It is finally his problem rather than somebody else's. There is no more "poor me." He was sentenced to an intensive 11 month rehab program. He will get out of the program just after the baby turns 1. The only other thing I've heard him this excited about was our baby. He is so happy to finally be getting the help he has needed for the past 20 years. He is planning on not going back to the city we lived in and changing his entire life style. He is concentrating on getting healthy so he can be a part of our lives again. I'm so proud of his attitude and I pray that he has the will and strength to follow through with it. I told him that I will fully support what he is doing (emotionally) as long as it isn't hurting him, myself, or our child. I'm so hopeful that we will someday be a family again. But, I know that the possibility of the old him coming back will always be there, so I'm very cautious. I believe in him and know that he can do anything he puts his mind to. I'm going to have one foot out the door for quite some time, until he can prove himself! I think the hardest part for me will be learning to trust him again. Will I ever be able to not question him? Time will tell. As hard as it will be, I'll leave him in a second for good if he ever uses again. My baby is too important to put him through that kind of a life. I must say though, it's so, so, so nice to know that my boyfriend FINALLY sees that he is worth putting the effort into and that he can be proud of himself again!!! Please pray for us.

comeback2me 3 months ago

Hello lafamillia I have been clean for alittle over two years now and it was not easy getting off heroin and pills. I'm glad you stopped using. In my experience it took me well over a year to truly start feeling "normal". I was taking a lot of opiates for about six years and as you may know they are a depressent . So it took a long time for my brain to regulate itself and begin to feel like myself again. The drugs allowed me not to feel emotions at all so it was tough to deal with the flood of feelings. So what your feeling is ok just remind yourself how far you have come and were you want to be. Life may not be great right now but its a long way from the feeling of withdrawal. From were you started to were you are now is truly heroic . If you read some of the posts above you will see that most people can't come back from addiction but you have taken some of the most difficult steps. The journey is not a easy one, but it will teach you a lot about yourself and the destination is worth it. Good luck keep fighting you are worth it!

comeback2me 3 months ago

Miss Kelly Anne and the other people who shared there stories thank you for your courage people need to know they are not alone. I would like to also say "I am sorry you had to go through this" for the addict that put you through this. As some have already learned please never think you are the cause of there addiction. Until someone is ready to stop there is no way to help them. I lost my wife the love of my life because of my drug addiction. So your stories hit home and were very hard to read but I needed too. My ex wife stayed with me as long as she could but had to leave to protect herself and are beautiful two children. As I reflect back on the time before they left I relize how truly emotionally unaware and unavailable I was. I was able to stare at the women I love and lie to her with no guilt at all. I truly feel as if I was cheating on her with my addiction. The worst time of my addiction was about the time she left about three years ago. Soon after this I went to my third twenty eight day rehab in four years. I have been clean fpr almost two years and our divorce was finalized six months ago. I am randomly tested weekly and just began to see my children unsupervised. It took me about a year to begin to truly feel normal again emotionally and that's when the true reflection of what I put her through really sunk in. How I treated the women of my dreams started to become very painful. I knew if I wanted to make amends I need to everything I could to make sure she is happy and has a good life whether I'm part of it or not. I still love her deeply but I understand she does not trust me. This reality is tough because I grew up in a broken family and never wanted to put my kids through the same thing. Now that I am seeing clearer I see that my ex wife has become very strong and confident. It's just sad to know she became this way not because of our wonderful marriage but by dealing with a drug addicted ass. I am determined to stay healthy and be a great dad to my children. I will always love my ex wife and wish we could be a family. But I know the best thing she ever did For me was leave. I have so much respect for her knowing how much courage it took to make the decision to leave. She saved my life.

wakemeupalready 2 months ago

My husband of 5 years is a former addict and convicted felon. He sobered up in prison and became a role model for others. When he got out, he did everything right - everyone, even his parole officer, was very proud of him. When I met him, he had been out for over a year and had been clean for 15 years. He was determined to live right and have a good life. He worked hard and moved up in his job to supervisor. We dated, then lived together before getting married two years after meeting. We both wanted to make sure this was right.

Everyone who knows us envys us. Those who know about his past are "SO PROUD" of him. We bought land and a house. We both have wonderful jobs.

My former husband became an alcoholic and gambler and I slowly watched my world fall apart. I worked more than one job to raise my two sons. When they were teenagers I made the decision to divorce him.

So when I met my current husband, my oldest son was in college, and my youngest was in high school. And they fell in love with him, as I did. It was perfect.

Then 3 years ago he had to have major surgery - he had diverticulitis and didn't know it. His colon ruptured and he had to have an emergency colostomy at the age of 40. He almost died. They cut him open from his sternum all the way down to the pubic bone. It was very bad.

After surgery, of course, he was given all sorts of medication - heavy stuff. He was hallucinating and paranoid and it was really weird. The doctor told me that former addicts are effected like that no matter how long they've been clean. Funny, but we never told the surgeon about his past - it was just that obvious.

For the next few months he was on lortab. Then he had a colostomy reversal, which was another major surgery requiring lots of pain meds afterward. His hallucinations this time were so bad I had to lay beside him in the bed to keep him from trying to get up. It took two whole days of sitting on the couch with him talking to imaginary people before he came completely down. Then he had lortab for a while...a LONG while.

In fact, he had lortab for a whole lot longer than I even knew! I thought his symptoms were from the surgeries. I thought his tiredness, naseua, weight loss, moodiness, were from the back-to-back major surgeries. I never dreamed that he was hooked on pills.

For the past three years I have lived with his moodiness, no sex, screwed up sleep patterns, screwed up appetite, and promises that he well get better. All believing it was effects of surgery.

This summer he started throwing up every day. I told him to go to the dr or else. Turns out he had 5 hernias! So he had surgery for hernia repair. I thought "ok, it WAS from the past problems and we're getting it fixed". The only "fixing" it did was his IV fix! And more scripts for pills!!!

I put my foot down at the same time his dr did. He swore he wouldn't do it anymore.

Then two weeks ago, the weekend before Thanksgiving....I come home from work and he's tromping around the yard swearing there are ninjas jumping in the trees and soldiers watching him!

I called my youngest son, who had specialized training for this as an MP and soldier. He and his new wife, who is pregnant, came and staying all weekend until we could convince my husband that no one was climbing on the roof or hiding under the bed. He admitted that he had bought some coke (or what he thought was coke) and shot up, thinking if he did that once it would get him over the withdrawals from lortab. I don’t pretend to understand his reasoning. I just know that his brain was really messed up. I was so shocked and upset I yelled, screamed, cried, and my son had to hold me back from hurting him. I drank a glass of wine to calm down and got so sick my new daughter in law had to put me in the shower. I woke up later wondering how in the world did I end up in this surreal nightmare.

Once my husband came down, he swore it would never happen again and that he was done with all that. For the past two weeks he’s been great – feeling physically bad from withdrawals, but attentive and remorseful. He said he’s feeling like he’s being watched, but we chalked it up to guilt feelings or residual effects of the drugs.

Last night was my company Christmas party, that I was in charge of. We had been looking forward to having a good time, with all this bad stuff behind us. But yesterday afternoon he decided that men were in the woods again. He told me he’s been followed for two weeks. He’s paranoid, but swears he hasn’t taken anything. We go to the party and he spends most of the evening in front of the restaurant smoking and being paranoid. I was totally freaking out inside, but managed to carry on and control the party anyway.

When we left he tells me that two of my coworkers husbands were some of the men that had been following him!! Oh Lord! He has totally lost it! He stayed up all night watching the woods for men and he’s pissed that I don’t believe him. He still swears he hasn’t taken anything.

In two weeks my family will be here for Christmas. My oldest son and his wife, and my precious 2 yr old granddaughter have no idea what’s going on. We put up a good front for Thanksgiving, with my youngest son watching closely for any signs of weirdness.

Part of me wants to get in my car and drive as far away as possible. But I love my home, my life, my job….my crazy husband. And it’s the holidays!

At this point I’m thinking I am living with either a paranoid schizophrenic or someone who’s still using and lying. Either one is more than I can deal with!

kendracoates 5 weeks ago

I started dating someone about a year and a half ago and I got into some legal trouble because I was into the drugs with him. I was going to meetings and working the twelve steps, moved into a recovery house and all while he lived on the street after getting kicked out of countless treatment programs. I tried to get him to listen to me to get clean but he wouldn't do it. Through the year that I was with him I had three different jobs, he had NONE. I left him, and then went back to him. We tried living together two different times but it wasn't working we kept getting evicted. I lost family and friends.

I was three months clean when he started using heroine, living on the streets, asking me for this and that. One day he got arrested, and had parked my car somewhere down town and I had to walk around in high heels ( I was in court) for five and half hours to look for my car because he was so messed up he wouldn't tell the deputy where my car was. I took that as my only opportunity to escape, so I did. He got out over the weekend and I played along with him that I was with him till he went to treatment, he went but then left two days later. He said he was going to detox. Two nights later, he smashed my drivers side window while I was sitting in it. I called the cops and they found him sleeping in my car that same day but let him go.

It was harder then heck to do what I had to do because I was feeling so guilty but it was the best decision I had ever made. No more watching him nod out with cigerrets in his hands and saying he wasn't sleeping. Or like you said watching him sleep so you knew he was alive and didn't die for his own stupid decisions.

I may have been into crack cociane but I am a recovering addict, but there are those people out there that want nothing to do with recovery and living a healthy life. Being homeless is sometimes an excuse for being an adult and making the right decisons.

SoberNation 3 weeks ago

Thank you so much for the story and the hope. I'm new to hubpages and I also like writing on these topics. Please check them out and leave me some feedback! Thanks for the hub, I voted up!

Vidamia 3 weeks ago

I recently ended an 8 year relationship with my live-in partner. His addictions to pills, pot, and booze are stronger than the sum total f our love. He always ran to them before me r anyone else for solace and comfort. As a mother of two great kids I could no longer be a living example of a contradiction between my values and my daily life. He says he loves me a inundates me with messages of remote and regret. It is all still about him and what he believes I owe him, though clothed in requests for "one more chance". I am done. I love him but I am done. I must spend time healing my wounds and rebuilding my faith in the possibility that love can

Vidama 3 weeks ago

(sorry, i pressed send prematurely) ....that love can exist for me without lies and the overwhelming sense of being held hostage. I refuse to live in fear anymore.

kassandra 13 days ago

Wow.... I need help.. i been living with my boyfriend for abt a year and had no idea he was addicted to meth. 4mnths later after i moved in i found out that je uses and has been using for 6 years straight. I fell in love with him hardddddd... We got engagedd.. before i knew he was using.. couple months later after i found out until this day... I been trying to get him to stop amd i have no luck . Im drained . Last 2 mnths he has changed. I dont even know him anymore.. its like im living with him and he doesnt even bother with me.. im like invisible to him. He has caused me so much pain and he started beating on me real bad. And idk even know why he gets angry over the dumbest stuff.. i love him so much, idk how to help him anymore.. i feelelost. I fel like i wasted all this time with him, and he has lied so much to me. Idk whats the truth or whats a lie. Recently , i moved out, and he told me he was leavinf for awhile...... He wouldnt tell mw where.. he left me.....

kassandra 13 days ago

continued.... & 5 days after he left me and i moved out. I find out that im pregnant. A few days ago he came and saw me, and he said he is so in love with me . And that hes gunna get a job and handle his buissness and hes coming back for me. But im sure its another lie. I feel lost from all the bull he has put male through. I hate that i love him ... Can yu please EMAIL ME AT pitell10@gmail.com

Please. I need someone to talk to and listen and advice..i lost the love of my life.. and now im pregnant.. im so emotionally broken.. please and thank yu... P.s theres so much more i wanna say, but ill keep that private until you write me..

Pitell10@gmail.com

Codependant 9 days ago

Hello everyone

My name is Kerry and I have been living with a pain killer addict I feel so physically and emotionally drained I often cry to myself I want to leave and start a new life for me and my children but i can't seem to have the courage I have never been able to speak to anyone as no one understand I feel alone

angelshere 3 days ago

hello everyone. i am in the midst of a turning point in my life and was very confused but have become very much aware of what imust do now. i too am the wife of an addict and have been hiding it from myself and everyone else for so long. we have been together for 30 yrs and the first 26 were perfect so i thought. i was just letting myself be oblivious to it all. i truely beleived we were soulmates we are best friends and lovers. thats why it so hard. he is in rehab for the second time in a year and does not seem to want to change. we have four children together three alive one baby lost to sudden infant death yrs ago. the past 3 years have been the absolute worst. I did not have anyone to talk to or access to a computer like i do know. i just thank god the worst of my husbands behaviors took place

TSELLERS 43 hours ago

Hello

My name is Tammy and I have let an addict rule my life for 4 years now.

when i look in the mirror these days i dont know the person that is looking back at me.

I have no money ( and I make good money) , I have no friends or life.

When I get off of work I have a 45 min drive home with my 15 month old baby girl.

When I pull up he is waiting for the cell phone ( we share one) to call his dealer, and make sure she is " GOOD" and God help us if she is not , then the hunt is on.

His drug of choice is morphine,roxy the stronger of the narcotics.

I have caught him "banging them" shooting up.

I have told my self over and over I need to go.

I lost my big house and we are now living in a 3 room dump that his father gave us.

I think I have lost respect for myself

and I am sure my baby girl is a gift from god possibly sent to save me from this Hell.

If I didnt get my self out , I know I have to get her out.

I am numb to his BS these days and I really just dont care how he feels or what he says anymore. He has what he wants his drugs he doesnt need us.

I am at that point I can honestly say I have had enough.